Zen

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

“The child must know that he is a miracle, that since the beginning of the world there hasn’t been, and until the end of the world there will not be, another child like him.” — Pablo Casals

A little over a week ago I got to meet with Christy, Jason and their son Zen with hopes to capture some fun photos of Zen. To say this little guy is a miracle is an understatement and I enjoyed every minute of our time together the morning we met for photos and I left recognizing how much one child can leave an impact on others. We met in a secluded private area near their residence and it made for some dreamy photos of my buddy Zen. He spent the morning taking me on a tour and exploring all sorts of fun places. I left in awe of this energetic little guy.

Though he was quite cooperative most of the morning, he had moments where he was distracted by all the fun things he could do…like trying to catch fish with his hands.

Rather than forcing him to pose for silly shots, I let him have fun and just stood back and watched him…observing the curiosity of a five year old was definitely more fun than begging and pleading with him to smile for my camera.

Zen was attempting to catch fish at one of the Florida springs, so the cool morning left for a pretty amazing site above the warm spring water.

Needless to say he had tons of fun and quickly ran off to try to catch more fish.

It’s always the unexpected moments, the ones that aren’t planned or posed that amaze me the most.

We continued to try to get Zen to move along to a new spot, as he did…

He stopped one last time to tell me he had to catch a fish. He tried, but those little minnows were a bit too fast for my buddy Zen.

He climbed a tree…

And overlooked some amazingly beautiful Florida spring scenery. Zen looks so small in comparison.

He was sure to point out more fish in the springs.

I know part of the morning we spent trying to get Zen to sit still for photos…but looking back, some of the best photos were the ones where I captured him doing what he does best…being himself.

Did I mention he was full of energy…and lots of it!

And finally we managed to get him to sit still, if I remember correctly, we bribed him with mentos…and it worked for a few shots so I could capture his sweet face a bit closer.

This kid is not only incredibly cute, he’s hilarious too. All that matters is we had fun together, right!?

We had fun playing hide & seek…don’t tell Zen but it was all really a game to take more photos.:)

He was so cute in his spiffy hat…

Yes, Christy we managed to get a photo of him with his adorable smile before he lost that first tooth this week!

We took a stroll on one of the boardwalks for more memorable shots…

We continued to explore some of the beautiful Florida spring scenery and Zen kept an eye on all the fish for me.

Yes, Zen and I had fun the morning we spent together. By the end he began to call me “banana”….I suppose that sounds a little like Amanda.

Yes, Zen…”banana” thinks your Mom and Dad would agree…don’t grow up too fast…but someday when you do…they’ll have some amazing memories of the morning we spent together. Zen’s definitely one cool kid!:)

Christy & Jason I hope you all enjoy the photos of Zen. Thanks again for such a memorable time together.

Photography

by Amanda Kern

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The 35 week update…

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

“Do, or do not. There is no try.” ~ Yoda, Star Wars

Today marks 35 weeks into this pregnancy, and in just under 3 weeks we’ll finally get to meet our little one. Just this past weekend Hope proclaimed to us how many days we have left (yes, she knows exactly how many days we have left!) and Jason and I looked at each other and said…Really!?!? Not that I haven’t been counting down this whole time, but I think hearing it from someone other than myself made me realize just how close we are to the big day. One week ago I began to feel overwhelmed and made another crazy mind map, this time…my “to do list” of things I hope to try to do before the baby is born. Really it was more of a way for me to gather my thoughts and help me prepare for these last few weeks….which I admit the long list is a bit overwhelming to look at. Yes, like Yoda says…there’s “no try” I just have to get things done and stop thinking about it how many things we have left to do. Here’s a picture of that crazy to do list (click on it to see a larger version).

The To Do list before the baby arrives

In the last week we’ve met with the pediatric neurosurgeon and my doctor again. The neurosurgeon reviewed the results of the last ultrasound with us basically reassuring us that though there have been increases in the ventricle measurements in the head, they aren’t so significant to cause concern. On their scale (which I’m not quite sure of what type of measurement they use) a value of 1 is equivalent to “normal” development. Back in December we were excited to hear the baby’s measurements had finally went into the “normal” range but January’s ultrasound showed that a ventricle on one side of the head had increased to 1.4. Not too large of a change but it’s now back in the “high normal” range. Typically they don’t begin to be concerned until that range exceeds 2. Obviously changes in the 3-4 or higher range would cause them to be more concerned and really it’s all a gauge for them to monitor more after birth because of how common hydrocephalus (fluid around the brain) is in babies with Spina Bifida (more so after the back closure surgery). So we’ll watch and wait and hopefully there are no significant changes after next week’s ultrasound.

The neurosurgeon did give us reassurance that we’re still in a very optimistic scenario from what they’ve seen thus far. It’s still tough to tell if the opening in the baby’s back is completely covered with skin or not. We’re all keeping our fingers crossed that it is because that would prolong the baby’s surgery until it’s 3 months old when it is stronger and has built up it’s immunity a bit more. We won’t know for sure until the baby is born but if it’s born with the opening exposed it will definitely undergo the back closure surgery within the first 24 hours after birth which will help prevent infection and decrease the chances for something like meningitis from occurring. So we’re understandably hopeful, yet remain nervous, given the uncertainty that still remains.

The appointment with my obstetrician  yesterday was quite uneventful. Aside from checking the baby’s heartbeat and conversing over typical third trimester questions our appointments have certainly felt more “social” than “medical”. As much as I fear the baby trying to arrive earlier thus far we have no reason to believe that’ll happen but I’ll be going in weekly until the baby is born now to watch the pregnancy even closer. The biggest news yesterday was that finally this last month I’ve made up for some of the pregnancy weight I should have gained in the first 30+ weeks of this pregnancy…officially up 9lbs. I recall going in to be weighed by the nurse yesterday telling her I certainly felt huge the last few weeks and the weigh in was certainly confirmation of it. We both cheered. It was not a surprise at all given how much the baby has me eating these days.:)

Just last week the kids and I took a few candid photos, so in case you’re not connect to me in flickr or facebook I thought I’d share one with this post.

Me & the kids

And yes, just a few more silly updates and thoughts…I suppose more as a note to myself of all these final moments of this pregnancy that soon will be a distant memory:

  • The kids are growing more and more excited. (if you can’t tell in the picture above) Hope still begs to find out what the baby is. She is anxious to hold and feed the baby and is eager to see it for the first time in the hospital. She’s filled with 101 questions about when she’ll get to see the baby and thoughts of how she’ll be such a great big sister and help with the baby. Jaylen is also extremely adorable these days. Several times a day he’ll come over to see me and say “kiss baby” and then of course kisses my belly all on his own. Yes, the moment that would make any mother say “awe…” – he’s gotten to feel the baby kick recently. Somedays now he will come over to me and put his hand on my belly and just wait in hopes of feeling the baby. Sometimes he does so and excitedly claims the baby kicked him…even though it didn’t. The kids also still argue (in a nice way) over whether the baby is a boy or girl. One night recently Hope did have Jaylen convinced and rooting that the baby was a girl. Something tells me when we finally find out it really won’t matter what they were rooting for…they’ll fall in love with their brother or sister regardless.
  • I’ve been increasingly more tired these days. Okay, fatigued, or perhaps exhausted is a better word for it. Most days I feel quite well during the day but the evenings and night certainly have worn me down. Most nights I seem to be up every hour or two, sometimes more often. It’s not uncommon to arise 5-10 times a night to rehydrate, use the bathroom, or merely out of being uncomfortable sleeping.
  • The nesting phase has officially begun. I suppose that’s probably one of the best phases for our family to experience though because it does help our family get more in order. I won’t even begin to detail how much cleaning, reorganizing and preparing we’ve done in the last week or two.
  • I’ve collaborated with some local photographers over the last few months and as of this week we’ve met and discussed having them assist in photographing what they are permitted to in the moments at the hospital on the baby’s birth day. The hospital is very restrictive on how much they will allow, however, I’m totally touched to have such amazing people willing to be there for my family to capture as much as they are permitted to. In case you’re not already a fan you all should take a moment to check out Paris Carter and Gian Carlo Brand’s web site and blog. They also have facebook fan pages for you all to join if you happen to have facebook. I’m sure photos will be shared hesitantly but I imagine they will be sharing some of the first and best photos of the baby. They’ve been too awesome to our family and we’re also planning maternity photos in the very near future so it’s totally worth checking out their sites. Here’s links:Gian Carlo Brand: web site | facebook page
    Paris Carter: web site | facebook page
  • I’ve continued to plan the baby’s newborn photography, which should come as no surprise to you all. I have to admit that’s one of the things that has left me excited. Though I’m equally nervous knowing that a prolonged NICU stay might interrupt my ideas. But I have lots planned, and can’t wait to see just how many ideas I can pull off in the first few weeks after the baby is born. I guarantee to attempt quite a few ideas that I think you all will find unique and a few others that certainly have some sentimental connections to our family and all we’ve been through.
  • And yes, we have decided on names! But please, stop asking what they are! We’re all locked down in secrecy, even the kids, and you’ll just have to wait until the baby is born. I promise the names you’ll either love (or hate) and that they’ll have a very sentimental and meaningful connection to our family…that’s the most I can say.

Okay, that’s the latest update…I can sense many more of you are growing just as anxious as we are so hopefully this helps fill you all in with how we’re doing as we continue to count down the days.

Amanda, Hope, Jaylen

by Amanda Kern

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Winner of the free photo session

Monday, January 24, 2011

“To ease another’s heartache is to ease one’s own.” ~ Abraham Lincoln

It’s been a busy day so I’m just now getting a moment to share the news of the winner of the free photo session I have chosen to give away to those who helped create awareness about Spina Bifida by purchasing a t-shirt from Kari’s web site. A huge thanks to those who purchased a shirt to help create awareness but also help the Central Florida Spina Bifida Association win a portion of the proceeds from the t-shirts sold. Thanks also to those of you who helped me spread the word.  Again, it’s been a long day so my apologies for the poorly lit video…Enough of prolonging the news…here’s the short video of the kids helping pick the winner.

Yes, I suppose the winner chosen is certainly evidence of how meaningful this session giveaway was for me. It obviously was important for me to help create awareness about Spina Bifida knowing that in less than a month we’ll be challenged with raising a baby with spina bifida. It’s something that still wears at my heart often and though I’m confident that somehow things will all work out and we’ll find the blessings behind all this news that has been so heartbreaking for our family to accept. I admit as I learned of the Spina Bifida awareness t-shirts and how they could potentially help the Central Florida chapter I thought of not only finding my way to help, but realizing that photography has always been a great distraction for me and something I know has come to touch many people. Little did I know that the kids would pick probably the person who truly could use the session most.

I had a handful of people enter and all had high hopes and obviously great reasons that made me look forward to a photoshoot with each of them. However, the email from Aimee who won the photo shoot was by far the most touching of all and I admit my heart paused for a moment when I heard Hope call her name. Aimee is a former classmate of mine, we ironically took our first web design course together at Valencia when Hope was still less than a year old. We distantly stayed in touch over the years as she moved away to North Carolina. She entered from North Carolina not with the hopes of photos of her and her children, but for me to photograph her parents. With her entry she let me know her father has had some challenging medical moments recently. Over the course of a couple of month he’s had a foot surgery, heart attack and pneumonia and his heart is now operating at just 20%. Obviously as so many medical things have happened there are fears for how much longer he might live and her request was to photograph her parents if she was to win. She shared with me some uplifting thoughts of her father and how she, like all the others, had her fingers crossed that she’d win. Yes, I suppose all this is just that much more evidence that everything happens for a reason…to help create awareness about Spina Bifida, to help lift my own spirits by doing something good, and in turn by helping someone else who I know will truly be touched by the impact my photography will have with her family as her father continues to face medical challenges. Needless to say the thoughts of doing this session definitely warms my heart and will do so much more to help others than I had imagined it would have.

So congrats to Aimee…and a huge thanks to all of you who participated or helped spread the word. You all are awesome.

Updates

by Amanda Kern

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Little Nicholas

Sunday, January 23, 2011

This week I got to meet with one of my former students, Claudia Mundlos and her husband Jose to meet their newborn son, Nicholas. Nicholas arrived three weeks early weighing less than 5 1/2 lbs. He was still such a cute little peanut when I met him at 10 days old. This little guy definitely preferred to be swaddled which always makes for an interesting challenge. Here’s Claudia & Jose’s sweet little boy…

Once he was swaddled he dozed off for some sweet photos.

For a little peanut he still had some adorable pudgy cheeks.:)

Every time we tried something new Nicholas woke right up and was so alert and curious.

It wasn’t easy to keep this little guy asleep, but we managed to trick him quite a few times. It took keeping him covered and quickly removing the blankets….literally taking some of the sleeping photos in a split second before he fidgeted or woke up. Still such a priceless memory of Claudia and Jose’s little guy that I imagine they won’t forget.

One of my favorite shots of the day was definitely one of the hardest ones to accomplish. We pulled off the shot above after trying for a while but the photo was taken in a matter of seconds before he pooped, fussed, and fidgeted until he found a comfortable spot. He had just pooped but it was obvious he was in his comfort spot. Rather than totally freaking out at the sight of poop I worked with him for another minute or two because he was in such a perfect position…I just had to get him as perfectly positioned as possible…once we did I took the photo above – we removed the blanket and managed to sneak this photo. And yes, a split second later he moved out of position and we cleaned the little guy up. Thankfully Claudia, Jose, and Nicholas were all good sports and I think after seeing this photo we all learned it was worth pushing this little guy a little further, despite his poopy moment of the day.

Because of how fidgety Nicholas was, we quickly shifted on to photos of Nicholas with Claudia and Jose. Though he had a few fussy moments in between I definitely have to say he was most comfortable wrapped and in their arms. Here’s Claudia with Nicholas…I know there are likely lots of people out there anxious to see some of the first photos of her and her son.

There’s no doubt how much joy Nicholas has brought to their family…Claudia and Jose certainly are proud new parents.

I adore the photos of Jose and Nicholas.

Yes, it’s tough not to admire this little peanut…

We decided to test our luck with Nicholas one more time with photos of him in a bowl. Often times babies that are awake or fidgety for most of the session doze off at the end and I have more luck with a “sleepy” newborn that lets me do more…so I’m always one to keep pushing when I sense they may have hit that deep newborn sleep stage which is almost always when the best photos are taken. He was still fidgety even with the bowl photos but we managed to work around his needs and ended up with more timeless photos…it just took a little more work to get them.

Towards the end he rested comfortably enough and long enough for me to get one last up close shot that certainly helped capture Nicholas’ adorable face.

Claudia & Jose thanks again for such a memorable session…I hope your friends and family enjoy the photos. Best wishes to your family — you’ve definitely been blessed with an adorable little boy!

Photography

by Amanda Kern

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Spina Bifida awareness, a free photo session & a photography update!

Sunday, January 16, 2011

“We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.” – Winston Churchill

With  just over 36 days until the baby is due to arrive, I thought it was perfect timing to do something good. I don’t think words can really truly describe how scared, nervous, and overwhelmed I’ve felt since September when I learned the baby has spina bifida. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to understand and I suppose just trying accept what we have ahead. Back when we first learned of the baby’s diagnosis I recall as my mind went back and forth among all our options I kept saying to myself that there had to be a reason for all of this to be happening. One reason I’ve been told is that special children are only sent to special families…the ones that can truly  love and care for them. The other reason is that I was meant to do more…to do more to somehow help and make a difference…and not just for this baby, but to help all the families who are struggling with the same challenges that we’re about to face.

Yes, the ability to make a difference is the one thing I’ve taken away from the last year + since last year’s miscarriage. It’s caused me to volunteer and help others more in one year than I think I have in my entire life. It’s helped me see just how much each of us is able to help others when the will is there. This past year I was a little moved by how much you all helped me spread the word and raise money to help Relay for Life and also to help Baby Wrenn. So many of you stepped up to help me raise over $650 for Relay for Life and though I never learned the exact amount that was donated to Baby Wrenn’s family, I know based on the emails I received that so many of you generously gave to help her family as they faced having their little girl require a double lung transplant this past year. Yes, the act of generosity of my friends, family and fans of my photography is quite moving. And to think all it took was for me to offer to take photos…something I love to do.

So here I am again, ready to step up to do similar. Except this time the cause is so much more incredibly important to me as we embark on the final five weeks before our little one is born with spina bifida. Yes, it’s time to help create a bit of awareness about spina bifida. When I first received that phone call back in September from my doctor informing me that she suspected the baby had the neural tube defect, spina bifida, my heart sank and all I remember thinking was I knew I had heard of it…but I had no clue what it was. I didn’t know what it meant. I just knew it didn’t sound good and it wasn’t something I ever wanted to hear my baby would be born with. So here’s the deal, another Spina Bifida mother has created a t-shirt to help create awareness about spina bifida. She first sold it back in October and it gained quite a bit of popularity during “Spina Bifida Awareness month”. She’s since put the t-shirt back up for sale and is offering to donate a portion of the proceeds to the Spina Bifida Association chapter that sells the most t-shirts. I recall Kari was one of the very first mothers to contact me after I learned of the baby’s diagnosis so I’d love to help her raise awareness for something that definitely has a direct impact on our family. Here’s the t-shirt (the right side is what appears on the back).

FREE PHOTO SESSION ELIGIBILITY
So though I’d love you all just to run to her web site and purchase a t-shirt, I’d like to offer a little incentive. That’s right, it’s time to offer a FREE photo session to those who care to participate.

  • Go to Kari’s web site and order a t-shirt, bag or sweatshirt.
  • You must purchase a minimum of one item and include “Spina Bifida Association of Central Florida” in the comment section when ordering. This is how she is determining what Spina Bifida Association will receive the donation from the sales of her t-shirts…and obviously I want to offer incentive to those of you who are going to help the organization that will support our family!:)
  • Email me proof of your donation to amanda [at] amandakern.com – to do this either take a screenshot of the confirmation page or proof of payment.
  • When emailing me share with me your name, contact information and the ages and number of people of who you wish to be photographed so that I can get back in touch with you if you are chosen.
  • To be eligible for the free photo session you must purchase prior to January 23rd at midnight. The names of those who have helped me give will be put in a hat and I will let my two little blessings randomly help pick a winner. I will be having this baby soon so entries for a FREE photo session will be accepted until midnight on January 23rd, 2011.

IF YOU’RE THE WINNER…
If you’re chosen as the winner you will have two options. I figured it was about time to change things up a bit which I think may gain even more interest…

OPTION 1: FREE PHOTO SESSION

  • A free photo session with me that will last 1-2 hours for you, your family, or someone you wish to give the session to.
  • I obviously will hope to complete the photo session soon, preferably before the end of the first week of February 2011. If there are scheduling conflicts I will honor the session through December 31, 2011. (…but obviously would not be able to commit after the baby is born until we’re both fully recovered).
  • You will receive all unedited and edited photos in HIGH DIGITAL RESOLUTION format. Yes, I said FREE. That means I earn NOTHING from giving.
  • You will be given permission to print and share online all digital photos for personal use.

*By participating if you win you agree that photos may be used in my portfolio.
**You must be in the immediate Orlando area or willing to travel to Orlando if you win.
***The value of a custom photo session w/high resolution photos is $650.

OPTION 2: PHOTO MENTORING SESSION
I’ve received a lot of requests and inquiries in the last year or so for me to offer “mentoring” sessions. I’ve lost count of how many people have asked me “how” to I do something or if they could just spend an hour or two with me to see how my photography and/or editing approach. And for the first time ever I’m publicly doing that with this free photo session give away. If you are chosen as the winner you have the option to select the mentoring session and it will be customized to meet your needs.

  • A free photo mentoring session with me that will last 1-2 hours.
  • I obviously will hope to complete the photo session soon, preferably before the end of the first week of February 2011. If there are scheduling conflicts I will honor the session through December 31, 2011. (…but obviously would not be able to commit after the baby is born until we’re both fully recovered).
  • The mentoring session will be customized to meet your needs and could include tips on photography, editing or a combination of both.

*By participating if you win you agree that photos may be used in my portfolio.
**You must be in the immediate Orlando area or willing to travel to Orlando if you win.
***You are suggested to have a digital slr, photoshop and lightroom. If you don’t a mentoring session can still be offered but it may make more sense if you have access and/or a little previous experience to these things.

A PHOTOGRAPHY UPDATE
And last, but not least, I wanted to share a little photography update with you all. I have had a ton of people ask me “so are you going to keep working?” or “are you going to keep doing photography?” And the answer is YES to both! The great people at Valencia continue to give me great support and continue to stand behind me giving amazing support as we realize the months ahead are filled with a lot of uncertainty. I do plan to continue photography too. I have 2 newborn sessions planned before the baby is born and a potential five newborns already in the plans to photograph about 2-3 months after our little one is born. So I just wanted to make sure that you all were aware that…just as with my other two kids…having a child – even with special needs…will not cause the world to stop or for me to quit working to achieve my goals in life. Obviously the road ahead as I rebound from having a baby will be taken hesitantly and I will only return when I am fully capable and the baby and I are recovered.

Photography

by Amanda Kern

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