“If you realized how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought again.” – peace pilgrim
This morning I went in for my follow up appointment with the doctor. After Wednesday’s appointment I was left with many fears and though I was hopeful that I’d recover in two days, I could just tell by how horrible I felt the last two days that it was not a good sign. The doctor warned me Wednesday that in about 3% of D&C procedures that if tissue from the pregnancy remains that if the body does not eliminate the tissue on it’s own quick enough then it would result in an infection which would be far riskier than going through a second D&C. The doctor prescribed medicine Wednesday that they had hoped would help with this, but unfortunately today during my return visit it was determined that the remaining tissue from the pregnancy that somehow was missed was still inside of me with absolutely no changes or signs of my body taking care of it on it’s own. The doctor gave me the option to wait a few days to see what would happen but was concerned of the risks of infection, even more so because I had already been running a fever the last two days. He said what he saw on the ultrasound was very concerning and he advised not waiting and that I should go in for a D&C immediately. I was left this morning in absolute disbelief that this was happening to me again.
As I sat and waited for the doctor to counsel me with all the formal paperwork before I headed to the hospital for surgery I sat wondering “Why?” Seriously, why? Why must one person go through this much and then be tortured to go through the same reminders of all the physical and emotional challenges I’ve faced these last few weeks? I continue to feel as though I’ve been stricken with a terrible case of bad luck and don’t really understand why or when it will end.
As many of you are likely wondering, Jason and I also wondered how the doctors missed tissue from the first surgery. We’ve been informed that the D&C is a “blind” procedure where doctor’s aren’t able to see what they are extracting during surgery and though they do have an ultrasound in the operating room, it doesn’t show indicators of tissue like the internal ultrasound I had underwent this morning that showed indications of tissue. I asked the doctor this morning how they could be certain they’d be able to remove all the tissue this time if they missed some last time and he said he couldn’t guarantee it, but that in the 32 years he’s been practicing medicine that he’s never had to have a patient repeat a D&C three times. This coming from a doctor who is considered one of the top 100 doctors in Orlando and who’s the Chief Medical Officer of Winnie Palmer Hospital, I just had to trust his advice and accept the fact that I’d have to undergo another D&C less than 2 weeks since the last one.
Jason and I had to head immediately to the hospital and the whole experience now is all a blur. It all went so fast, which is probably for the best. I saw many of the same nurses and went through the entire same process as last time. I found many of the emotions replaced with even more fears, worries, disappointment and frustrations that I had to go through this experience again. I admit that with my luck I was so much more frightened by the risks of surgery, especially given my recent luck. They say miscarriages happen in 20-25% of pregnancies. They say a second repeat D&C is necessary 2-3% of the time. So for me, knowing that surgical risks of potentially risking my ability to ever have children ever again or even the possibility of death completely frightened me. Thankfully, I made it through surgery fine and am now recovering once again. I’ve been asked to “take it easy” again for a few more days as I recover from surgery.
I admit that I’m more eager now than ever before to begin to bounce back and move past all the challenges of the last two weeks. I’m sure the road ahead will continue to pose many challenges, but my frustration with the fact that I have had to go through this surgery again has me even more fueled to begin to rebound and find a way to move past the tough times that have been plaguing my life lately.
Thank you all once again for your care and support these last two weeks. I can’t tell you all enough how thankful my family is to have so much support from our family, friends, colleagues, co-workers, teachers, and students.