The news couldn’t come at a better time

“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” ~Marilyn Monroe

For those of you who have been following me in twitter and facebook you likely heard me announce just a bit ago the official news about the tenure track position at Valencia. It’s official, as of August 24, 2010 I will begin a tenure track faculty position at the college.

I’ve been teaching since 2004 and teaching in a full time temporary position since 2005. Last month I interviewed for the position and have waited patiently for the last month to hear this news. It was my third time interviewing for a tenure track position over the last few years. I recall the disappointment I felt the last two times I was turned down for a tenure track position. As discouraging as it was for me I remember trying to remind myself how everything in life happens for a reason. And though I feel I was just as strong of a candidate the last two times I had applied for the position I must admit that as I reflect on how far I’ve come in just a few short years the decisions made have only helped shape me into who I am today. So much has happened in just the last year that years ago I would have never even imagined were possible.

So I thank you all for your support, encouragement, and reassurance. It means to world to see the confidence you all have in me. I am overjoyed with this news and the opportunities that are ahead.

I have to admit that this news couldn’t come at a better time. I’m not so sure if someone higher really planned this news to come today but it has lifted my spirits incredibly on one of the toughest moments I find myself passing since the miscarriage. Yes, in light of the news I find myself still pausing today, 33 weeks after miscarrying and realizing that today is also the day that the little one I lost in October would have been due to be born today. So I am thankful to have such wonderful news on a day where I find myself reflecting a little more lately on what might have been if I hadn’t have miscarried. I realize as I reflect it’s all an important part of me continuing to accept all that has happened this past year and part of how I will continue to get past the heartache that hasn’t completely faded. There aren’t days that pass that it hasn’t crossed my mind or that I haven’t wondered “what if?” And though it will likely not fade completely from my mind I will feel relieved for today to pass so that I can focus more on the promising future ahead.

Yes, today I’m reminded that “sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together”. But as they do today my heart will remain reserved for the little one that in my mind I feel I should be holding today. I realize I can’t change a thing…but I can and will take that time today to remember and honor the little one that will always have a special place in my heart. Yes, I just pray all the little ones I’ve lost over the years know:

“A thousand words cannot bring you back. I know because I tried. And neither can a million tears. I know because I cried.”

As I find myself reflecting today, I reassure you all that I will do so now finding a renewed strength to smile while embracing my children, and yes,  praying that the news today is the start of a much needed streak of better news in my life. Thank you all again.