24 weeks + growing!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see” –Hebrews 11:1

It seems like so long ago since we last saw our little one. I imagine you all have gotten use to so many updates in a matter of days and weeks, so now nearly a month later I know you all are as anxious as I was today to see my little one’s sweet face. The ultrasound tech today was quite amazing and managed to get a really clear image of a profile of the baby’s face. Yes, it’s amazing…I’m certainly in love with this little one’s face.

Here’s a photo of the front of the face. I promise, E.T.’s not the daddy!:)

The baby was very active again today and now it’s very evident that the baby has grown quite a bit in the last four weeks since our last ultrasound. It was a lot easier now to see the features and views of the baby as the ultrasound tech scanned and sized the baby. We quickly heard it’s heartbeat which is always a relief — 155 beats per minute. The baby was seen with it’s hands near it’s head and wiggled quite often. We were even able to watch it opening and closing it’s mouth and moving it’s little hands and feet. The baby is definitely growing. At 17 weeks they estimated the baby to be just 8 ounces. At 20 weeks they estimated the baby to be 11 ounces. At 24 weeks the baby is now estimated to be 1lb 6 ounces! Yes, it’s taken 24 weeks and I’ve finally passed my starting weight by one pound this week after feeling so nauseous and being sick so often during the second trimester. Apparently that one pound is all baby!:)

At the end the doctor came in who saw us last time and again was very reassuring. He said everything is looking great and the baby is growing perfectly as expected. He said nothing has changed to leave him with any concerns and at this point as long as the baby keeps on track growing the real test for our little one will be after birth to see how it adjusts to life outside the womb. He was all smiles telling us he felt it was a very isolated case of spina bifida and thus far everything still indicates a promising outcome given the circumstances of the diagnosis. I suppose now all we can do is continue to watch our little one grow and pray that it remain strong throughout the pregnancy and the days, weeks, and months after it’s born.

Is it a girl or boy?
I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve been asked this now. We’ve made it this long not knowing and we’re sticking to waiting for this amazing surprise. After doing the same with Hope I am reminded of how some of the best things in life we don’t know – it gives all the waiting for our little one that much more anticipation for the exciting day we’ll see the baby in person.

Today was the first time we brought the kids to the ultrasounds we’ve had to begin doing at Winnie Palmer Hospital and it was definitely a memorable family moment having them with us this time. The two times before I admit I was a nervous and emotional mess still uncertain of the details of the baby’s diagnosis and so this time around it was a much more uplifting experience as we were all anxious to see the baby. Of course Hope tried to be sneaky asking if we could find out if the baby was a boy or girl. We continually have told her no for months now and explained how amazing of a surprise she was. Needless to say she’s anxious and for very good reason. She still really wants a baby sister but we know she’d be happy with either. Today once we got home she was so anxious and wishing for us to find out that she took a bit of time and made us this note to let us know just how much she hopes to find out.

Oh, how I love her…and all of you still nudging us to give in to find out but we’ve made it this long and we have no intent now to find out until the day the baby is born. If you don’t understand I suppose you’ve never experienced what an amazing surprise that is…and we are confident that in a few months Hope will come to understand our reasoning and it’ll bring her and all of us great happiness.

Of course I have heard many of you expressing yourselves telling us what you “think” we’re having. I suppose the anticipation is going to be fun for us all the next few months. This past week the topic came up and though I had already planned to do this, some nudged me to me to make another poll. Yes, I dare make another poll after how much the last one upset so many people.:)I suppose it won’t harm anything to have those of you who care to participate in voting to see what those following our family think we’re having. So have some fun, vote, and I suppose we’ll all find out if the majority and you all are right on the baby’s birthday!:)

We return for another ultrasound on December 15th and we’ll be back visiting my doctor and the pediatric neurosurgeon on December 1st so hopefully you all won’t have to wait quite as long for another update. December will mark my entry into the third and final trimester of this pregnancy where I imagine I’ll be going to the doctor a lot more often until mid to late February. Yes, we have less than 15 weeks (105 days!) until the big day…we still don’t have an exact date that the c-section will have happen but we anticipate it being in the next 14-15 weeks. Something tells me this time of waiting will pass faster than we all expect. So for now we’ll just continue to wait and pray that the next couple of months continue to go smoothly.

Amanda, Hope, Updates

by Amanda Kern

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Ricardo’s little cousin Jackson

Thursday, November 11, 2010

“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.” ~ Alexander Pope

I feel blessed to have another newborn to share with you all. I was recently asked to do Jackson’s newborn photos and we managed to arrange to meet when Jackson was 2 weeks old. I wasn’t so sure how the experience would go because typically the best newborn photos are taken between 5-10 days when most babies are in their sleepy, curly, and content stage. Usually between 2-3 weeks old babies begin to become more alert and are far less curly. But every baby is so different and Jackson was such a dreamy little guy for me to photograph. He was that dreamy that I’ll allow the photos speak for themselves. He  slept virtually the entire session. And yes, apparently he was quite happy to have his photos taken too!

You may recall Jackson’s cousin Ricardo who I photographed at the end of May when he was just 9 days old. Ricardo came along with Jackson to the photo session so while we took a brief break so Jackson could be fed I couldn’t resist taking a few photos of him. My how he’s grown!

After Jackson returned we decided to take a few photos of them together. Here’s a good perspective to help anyone not familiar with how fast babies grow…here’s Jackson at 2 weeks old and Ricardo a little over 5 months old.

Jackson was quite content sleeping the entire time during his photos. He began to open his eyes for a brief moment but all it took was getting him comfy and he went right back to sleep. So we took a couple more photos of him.

Emille is definitely blessed with such a sweet perfect little boy. Before we finished we took photos of them together. I’m sure it won’t be long before this little guy grows so hopefully these photos help capture those memorable “newborn” moments with Emille and Jackson for them to look back and remember for many years to come.

Emille & Melannie thanks so much for such an enjoyable time with the boys. They are both incredibly adorable. I hope your family & friends enjoy the photos!

Photography

by Amanda Kern

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The daughter of a newborn photographer

Sunday, November 7, 2010

“We do not remember days; we remember moments.”  ~Cesare Pavese

There’s no ignoring the influence my photography has on my children. They’re not just a subject of my photography but they both have begun to gain an interest in taking photos. Jaylen is still a bit young but enjoys to take photos (a.k.a. “cheese”) on my iPhone. However, Hope has been here since the beginning and was old enough to remember when I began pursuing newborn photography. She’s watched me do countless sessions in the last 2 1/2 years. I recall back in June 2008 how adorable I thought it was to see how closely she followed and looked up to me. I recall in one of the first few photo shoots I had done she insisted on first doing a photo shoot with her baby dolls and that she expressed an interest in helping me. It was priceless seeing her posing her baby dolls in baskets, watching how seriously she took photographing her baby dolls, and even allowing her to take photos during the photo session. Yes, during that photo session she had fun and I began to wonder if she was in training to become my competition (but you can see that for yourself in the video if you’ve never seen it). It’s something I’ve never forced on her she’s seemed to want to be a part of this experience and I’ve enjoyed seeing her the last few years as she’s grown. Sometimes she does get in the way so I don’t push her to get involved but when she shows an interest I do try to let her continue to be a part of the experience as much as I can.

Today as I was putting the finishing touches on the photos from this past week’s newborn photo session Hope asked if she could take a few photos of her baby dolls with my camera. I noticed her in the other room with her baby dolls all dressed and wrapped up ready for a professional photo shoot with my daughter. Of course I allowed her to and finally downloaded the photos this evening. I’ll thought you all would enjoy a quick peek at some of her photography. Yes, it’s another priceless memory…a moment I will never forget. She took quite a bit of care in wrapping her baby dolls. She’s a self proclaimed pro at swaddling her baby dolls and she enjoys letting them wear the baby hats. She carefully positioned her baby dolls on the bean bag on her favorite soft blanket that would make them all nice and comfy. She even taped up a translucent cloth to help diffuse the light. Yes, smart girl…she’s been watching her Momma closely and it shows. Not bad for an almost 9 year old, eh?

Hope

by Amanda Kern

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Baby André

Sunday, November 7, 2010

“Adversity is a fact of life. It can’t be controlled. What we can control is how we react to it.” ~Unknown

It’s been close to three months since I officially did a photo shoot. I was very close to declining all photography requests since our little one’s diagnosis of spina bifida. It should be obvious that it’s a lot to cope with the pregnancy emotionally and physically even more so since we learned the heartbreaking news. But those that know me know that I’m not one to sit and allow the news to hold me down for too long. We’ve become far more accepting of the news ahead and part of that acceptance has reminded me to keep on track with all the things that are quite healthy for me to continue with…including my photography.

A little over a week ago I learned of baby André’s birth and was quite excited to do the first newborn photo session since August. Those that have been following my photography since last fall likely remember that after the trying miscarriage I pursued a pretty intense rush of newborns which include some of my best work. I’m not sure how many others feel the same, but for myself I find some of my best work comes in the midst of adverse times in my life. I suppose it fuels me that much more and so I was excited to meet Danny & Brenda this week when André was just 8 days old. He arrived awake but content and as you can see he was so comfy that it didn’t take him long to fall back to sleep all on his own.

He was so relaxed and calm. Even while he was awake I remember thinking how perfect he was for his first official photo session.

I think we were all happy, even André, that he didn’t take long to go to sleep.

This little guy was so dreamy. I suppose one thing I love about newborn photography is that no two sessions are the same. I am always trying to position them in ways they are willing to lay and find the best ways to help capture those perfect sleepy, curly moments that I know Danny & Brenda won’t want to ever forget. I definitely won’t forget this perfect little one…he was just too precious.

I recently ordered an awesome new wrap from Jen Howard for some ideas I am planning for my own little one’s photos this spring. Of course I can’t completely spoil the surprise, however, I couldn’t resist trying out the wrap on André.

André really was the perfect newborn. I did try a few other poses on his tummy but he totally wasn’t interested in cooperating. And surprisingly, he cried. So I didn’t hesitate to capture the only cries I remember from my time with him.

Here’s Danny who has been blessed with his first son.

André was a tired little guy and let out a huge yawn while Danny was holding him. Totally priceless.

I have to give Danny a lot of credit for being so cooperative. It’s not always easy to get father’s to hold their little one without a diaper. It’s a huge risk we take for “the shot”. I’ve done the “lion king” photo before, but have to say it’s never as easy as it looks. It’s one thing to be lucky enough to have a sleepy baby but to get them to not be so squirmy in Daddy’s arms and get the father’s to curl the baby and position their arms closely together is a challenge for any man. It took a couple of attempts along with the unavoidable “pee” fountain that all lead up to this final perfect moment. Yes, Danny, thanks to your patience we got “the shot” that I think you and your family will enjoy for many years to come.

Thankfully André was so comfy in Danny’s hands that we managed to take this pretty sweet shot of him too.

Here’s André quite happy to be with his proud parents.

I have to admit that the photos of Brenda and André are amongst my favorite. It’s tough to tell she had a baby 8 days prior!
André looks so big in this bowl. But just like the rest of the babies I’ve photographed in it he seemed to rest peacefully there too.

When we discussed doing a bowl photo of André I had Danny & Brenda take a look at the bowls in my collection. I recently purchased one this summer on ebay that was from somewhere in Africa. By the time it arrived I feared it might be too small for newborn photos but I had faith that someday I’d find the perfect tiny little baby to put in it. Danny mentioned it reminded him of bowls he remembered back home in Puerto Rico so I told him we should try to see if André would fit in it. It was very close…but André curled right up and was so comfy as I managed to take a few more priceless photos of him in this bowl.

He rested so comfortably that I had to be sure to capture a close up photo of his perfect little face.

Danny & Brenda thank you again for bringing your sweet little boy over for photos. You both have definitely been blessed with a perfect little one. I hope your friends and family enjoy the photos of André. Best wishes to your family!

Updates

by Amanda Kern

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Life.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

“Never give up on something that you can’t go a day without thinking about.” ~Unknown

Exactly one month ago I received the shocking phone call suspecting something was wrong with the baby. In the last month our world has been turned upside down with the news that our baby has spina bifida. It’s been an overwhelming, exhausting, and emotionally trying month for us all where we’ve contemplated the biggest decision our family has ever faced. After undergoing countless appointments to undergo ultrasounds and MRI’s and to consult with my obstetrician, the pediatric neurosurgeon, a genetics counselor, the coordinator of the MOMS study, and the spina bifida clinic we’ve finally come to decide that there’s absolutely no reason to give up on this baby. The ultrasound and MRI last week as well as our appointments with my obstetrician and the pediatric neurosurgeon have helped give us a great deal of hope and optimism for this little one to experience life in less than 19 weeks. I thought this fetal MRI image from last week was remarkable enough to share with you all.

Late last week I underwent 2 fetal MRI’s. The baby was very active and made the MRI process a challenge. The first MRI lasted about a half hour and the second one lasted about 40 minutes. Thankfully the two attempts were enough to give the radiologist and the pediatric neurosurgeon a good enough view to help give us more insight into what our little one is up against. It’s very rare that they order MRI’s during pregnancy, however, given the fact that the opening in the spine appeared so small on the ultrasound they wanted to be sure they weren’t missing anything. Our pediatric neurosurgeon was able to help us better understand things while showing us these images. Thus far the baby’s brain appears to have no issues to be concerned about but this will be monitored throughout the pregnancy and I’ll be undergoing ultrasounds every four weeks to keep a close eye on the baby’s progress. Through the MRI images they were able to view the opening on the spine more clearly. If you take a look at the image you may be able to notice the spine near the tailbone that begins to move toward the tailbone. This is where the opening is, which is in the sacral region of the spine. That’s a fancy way of saying it’s in the lowest region of the spine, which is the absolute best scenario for us to be in. That along with the fact that the opening appears to be very small makes all the doctors that have talked with us to believe the baby should do quite well and may be spared many of the more trying issues known of spina bifida.

Of course there are no guarantees and we really now must continue to wait and pray this little one remains strong and is spared any further issues. Due to the high AFP levels the doctors believe this is an open neural tube defect, meaning the spine is open. However, taking a look at the MRI image with the neurosurgeon today makes us all wonder if there’s membranes or skin covering the opening in the spine. Right now there are a lot of uncertainties about this as well as whether or not the baby will develop hydrocephalus. This whole last month as we’ve struggled to make this decision I remember part of me just wished maybe we didn’t know during pregnancy but now that we’re confident we’re not giving up we’re grateful to know the baby and I will receive such thorough medical care to help continue to give us the reassurance needed until and after the baby is born.

FEELING BLESSED.
I admit most of this month I have felt cursed. I’ve wondered countless times why our family has had to endure so much and now to have this diagnosis it still makes no sense. But in the last week the news we’ve received has given us an incredible amount of optimism and has eliminated the thoughts of termination from our minds. We felt this last week, but we held our breaths in fear of any worse news so we waited and waited all week to hear the results of the MRI which confirmed all the things from the last ultrasound. And though there certainly are still risks and things we will need to be concerned about in the months and years ahead, we are feeling so blessed that right now we’re in a “good” situation given the fact that the baby has spina bifida.

We can’t thank you all enough for the outpour of love and support for our family. In the last month we’ve had so many friends, family, co-workers, students, teachers, and even many others that have reached out to our family. I know in sharing this news along with so many of my thoughts this past month that I’ve probably touched quite a few of you emotionally and yes, I’ve come to learn I’ve even unintentionally hurt many of you, especially the parents of children with spina bifida. I still feel it was a necessary part of how I’ve come to cope with this news but hopefully it alleviates all of the fears many may have had this month as we were for the first few weeks contemplating termination as we feared the worst. That is something I never ever wanted to happen to my family and I know those that know me and realize how much I’ve been through after enduring 3 miscarriages and many years of trying to conceive the children I do have that just “giving up” wasn’t something I was trying to justify through things I’ve written on my blog or through the poll I shared. It’s incredibly tough to give up on something you’ve wanted for so long, even more so when I’ve already made it half way through a pregnancy. To me this is just one more sign of this baby’s strength…only the strong ones last this long so we can’t wait to see what a fighter this little one will be.

A FEW QUESTIONS
Over the last month I’ve had a few questions pop up and I figured I’d answer them here because I imagine I may have more of you out there wondering the same things.

Why aren’t you doing the MOMS research study?
There was one day that I really thought that option might have been best. I know those doctors have the most experience with spina bifida babies. However, between the fact that the study is randomized and I’d not be guaranteed which option until committing and that it would put a huge burden on our family taking us away from home for months at a time which includes through my children’s birthdays and holidays I just don’t feel it’s the best option. Everyone agrees the medical care is top notch in Orlando and because there’s no proof that the study will improve things any we just don’t think it’s worth taking that huge of a risk. And I suppose I also have eerie reminders of last October where I felt like after a simple D&C procedure my body just had a tough time recouping which lead to 3 surgeries and other medical concerns so I just don’t think putting my body through two major surgeries that will put the baby and I at risk are worth it. Add in the fact that we feel so comfortable and confident in the medical professionals caring for me and the baby that I am confident we’ll be well taken care of all while being close to so many here in Orlando who have given us great support over the years.

I saw some people refer to the baby as a boy or girl, can you please tell us what you’re having?
No, I can’t. And I can’t because I don’t know. If people have referred to the baby as a “she” or “he” they must be making assumptions. We plan to not find out the baby’s sex. We did this with Hope and it was by far one of the best and most memorable surprises.

Have you decided on any names for the baby?
To be honest, just as we began to contemplate names we got the news that the baby has spina bifida so I refused to even think about names. We do have a few ideas but nothing we’ve agreed to yet. There’s no need to ask us about the name, because just like the baby’s sex, we plan to not announce the name until after the baby is born.

Do you know when you’re having the baby?
My due date is March 8, 2011. I can guarantee the baby will be born before that day. This past month we’ve been talking with my obstetrician and the pediatric neurosurgeon about having a normal delivery versus a c-section. And though there are studies that show there may be no major issues having a normal birth they feel it is best for the baby to do a c-section. It’s believed it can reduce the risks of infection because the delivery through c-section is less traumatic for a baby and it’s less likely that it’ll damage the baby’s spine further. We don’t want to take any risks so for the first time I’ll have a c-section which I admit does leave me quite nervous but ultimately I want what is best for the baby. Scheduling a c-section would also help all the medical personnel needed to be nearby after birth to attend to the baby’s needs. We’re guaranteed the baby will be in the NICU and that the neurosurgeon will there once the baby arrives prepared for surgery within the first 24 hours if it’s needed. Right now if all goes well with the remainder of the pregnancy my obstetrician wants to deliver the baby between 38 or 39 weeks. He fears that any sooner may lead to the baby having fluid in it’s lungs and we all agree we want the baby to be as strong as it possibly can be after birth. So obviously how I and the baby do the remainder of this pregnancy will be the determining factor but right now it’s looking like our family will greet this little one in late February.

Yes, that means there’s only 17 or 18 weeks to go…

Thanks again — you all have been amazing.

Amanda, Family

by Amanda Kern

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