I imagine I am no different than any other mother expecting a little one. Though this pregnancy has seemed to be going well, I admit I find myself still 16 weeks into this pregnancy quite nervous and always anxious as each doctor’s appointment rolls around. After all I’ve been through it’s tough to deny that the worries still roll through my mind from time to time and I find myself anxiously awaiting each appointment to give me a little peace of mind that the baby and I are right on track as we’re suppose to be.
I suppose all mothers expecting at some point fear the worst happening, and after hearing that news 3 times in years past, today I admit my heart nearly stopped when the doctor could not find the heartbeat with the heart rate monitor. I was that much more nervous because I was at the appointment by myself because Jason had to work so I was so scared something would go wrong after recalling going through so many moments on my own during the miscarriage last fall. As the doctor search several times for the heartbeat I began to get more nervous and I could sense his concern as well. Of course several of the doctor’s in the practice know my history well so I imagine most know just how on edge I am since the last miscarriage. The doctor I saw today was the same one so concerned back in October, enough to admit me into the hospital for the weekend back in October. So when I heard the concern in his voice I just did everything to keep it together as he had me sent over to have an ultrasound. He warned me beforehand that he felt all was okay based on seeing how much I had grown since my last visit. He told me that if I had used lotion on my stomach (which I did much earlier in the day in hopes to prevent any pesky stretch marks) that it could likely cause the signal to reflect back without ever hearing a heartbeat.
I went right into the ultrasound without any delay and within a second the same ultrasound tech from 4 weeks ago said “well, no wonder he couldn’t find a heartbeat you’re little one is a wiggle worm!” It only took a second for her to spot the baby moving around and having a good ol’ time inside of me. She said there was definitely a heartbeat and we took a quick listen/look at the heartrate which was a strong & healthy 168 beats per minute. She was sweet enough to print a couple photos for me. We both noticed right away how big the baby’s belly has grown. No wonder I’m still so tired and not gaining weight…I seem to have an active little one who is clearly well fed. Anyhow, I know you all are anxious to see the baby so here are two of the photos from today:
This next photo is tough to really see things but on the ultrasound it was pretty amazing as the baby was moving you could see it’s little fingers up in the top right moving around and it’s body & head can be seen right across the middle from left to right.
Needless to say it was a huge relief to see my little one. I suppose it was the baby’s way of saying it wanted to have it’s picture taken! That’s my baby! Now, if only it knew now how much it’ll be tortured by my camera in the months ahead.
Tonight was Hope’s open house at school. We got to go into her classroom and learn a bit more about things going on this school year. When we arrived the parents were asked to “find” our child’s desk based on a self portrait illustration/collage that they had created. All the kids created a silhouette and drew as well as wrote things onto their paper. Most kids had just a few things listed and I began to worry that I might not “know” my kid because they all seemed to write some of the same things. And then I found Hope’s. Needless to say, this is my baby girl…the overtly detailed one who has written so many things to help illustrate her interests. And even better her silhouette is so perfect, including the addition of her braces and all. I couldn’t be more proud. It’s totally worth sharing! It’s only an iPhone photo so hopefully you all can pick out the cute things she’s written.
I have to admit it was a long and exhausting day today so once open house ended I was so ready to leave to get some rest. I still find myself some days feeling fatigued and nauseous, even this evening, and I just pray it’ll all fade away completely soon. Despite not feeling the best, it was one of those memorable days I didn’t want to forget, yet I’ve been guilty of not carrying my camera around as often lately. Jason was able to take a break from work to attend open house so he took a quick iPhone photo of me & the kids. And yes, when you see the photo…Jaylen is in a full fledged melt down. He seems to be more emotional when I’m not feeling my best. And yes, I am guilty of still lifting my 30lb baby boy. I can hear some of you yelling at me already. Thankfully he’s adjusting to me not holding him as often…but it’s tough not to when most times when I have the kids it’s just me & them. Instead of carrying him everywhere like I use to have to, it usually only happens a couple times a week now, if that. It’s really hard for me when he’s in one of his emotional moments like today so I usually give in and comfort him as I’m use to doing. We had hoped for him to at least look at the camera, perhaps a smile…but after a minute or two we figured…this is the moment we’ll remember today. A rushed iPhone moment with my big 3rd grader, my baby boy crying, and my little one still doing well in my belly that is officially beginning to grow outward. I believe this may be the first photo I’ve shared that I’ve been in since learning I was pregnant. I’ve lost weight since becoming pregnant but I’m gradually making my way back to my starting weight. It’s certainly been obvious the last couple of weeks that the baby belly is growing – not so sure it’s as evident in this photo but figured it was worth finally sharing a photo with me in it. Perhaps I’ll start feeling well enough soon to stop hiding from pictures.
Anyhow, I hope you all enjoy another uplifting update. We go back on October 20th for the 20 week ultrasound where they’ll take a real close look at the baby to make sure it’s developing well. I know most usually use the ultrasound to find out the sex of the baby but we’ve elected to wait — so for those of you anxious to know…you’ve got 24 more weeks to wait!
by Amanda Kern
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