Just over two years ago I began volunteering as a photographer with Now I lay me down to sleep. If you’re not familiar with the organization it is one where photographers volunteer their services to families who have or are expected to lose their baby. A lot of people ask me “why” or “how” I could ever volunteer doing such sensitive photography of something many consider to be “morbid”. Trust me, I never thought I’d be the one doing infant bereavement photography…I’m convinced it was all a part of God’s plan. As I began learning photography I recall wanting to find ways to give back and initially considered it but felt it was something I wasn’t quite strong enough to do. I felt that way for a good year before I miscarried in 2009. It took that experience and a month of surreal medical experiences where I thought I might never have another child that made me think a little more about stepping up to volunteer. I’ve heard many people say they have that “moment” with God at some point in the lifetime. That miscarriage left me in the hospital for several days after going through three surgeries and I recall waking up the very last night to a dream of my mother hurting badly. I don’t recall a lot of the details but just recall waking up very worried about my mother who I hadn’t been in touch with much that month. I woke up wide awake and checked my email to find a heartfelt message from my mother letting me know she had been thinking of me and told me a bit of her own experiences miscarrying close to halfway through her pregnancy before she had me. It was something I knew had happened but it was never talked about growing up. As the tears fell, I realized it was a sign from God that I was strong enough…if I made it through as much as I did that month I miscarried then I could certainly help other families. I went ahead that same night and signed up to be considered as a volunteer. I recall thinking about my own heartache but knowing that many other families had went through so much more losing little ones much further along than I did and I felt that miscarriage finally gave me the strength to know if I could make it through that surreal month then I could make it through anything.

By December 2009 I was accepted as a volunteer photographer and was quickly thrown in the fire as a photographer. I joined when there were only a few photographers available and I was quickly needed that month for several sessions. There was never an opportunity to train or shadow other photographers…I was needed and I had no time to think about how tough it might be for me to do this type of photography because I knew I was stepping in to help them in some of the most special moments of their lives…their final moments with their little one. Exactly two years ago I was called to the hospital to photograph Ashley & Paul’s son, Caiden, who had unexpectedly lost his heartbeat at 28 weeks. Ashley had went a little longer than normal before Caiden was born so he was very fragile and still to this day it was the toughest sessions I’ve ever done for Now I lay me down to sleep. Over the last two years their family has kept in touch and I was uplifted earlier this year to hear that they were expecting a little girl at the end of this year. In mid September I met with the couple on the day they passed the 28 week mark of their pregnancy. We were all thinking of Caiden that day. They brought along this photo I had taken of Caiden’s hand grasping Paul’s two years ago.

At the end of November Caiden’s little sister, Kaydence, arrived. This past week I got to meet her for the first time. Yes, she’s an amazing little miracle.

I feel like I’ve been waiting in anticipation of this little girl nearly as much as I have one of my own…boy was she worth the wait.

At just two weeks old she had the most adorable little personality.

I wish you all could see every single little expression we got to see…perhaps this snapshot of thumbnails will help you all smile a little more.

Okay, I can’t resist it…I have to share an outtake. As we worked on posing her and keeping her head stable she totally played the perfect baby model. Yes, this little girl cracks me up.

Thankfully she didn’t take long to doze off…you know I love sleepy newborns the best.

Thanks to Erin Sharma I had an extra set of hands to help with Kaydence and as she stayed content Erin joined me in photographing her. Erin and I took some photos behind the scenes to help you all see a bit more of what a session really looks like. It takes a lot of work to get these little ones looking perfect.

We spent a lot of time admiring Kaydence. As we did we reflected on Caiden at times. Her mother and I agreed that she definitely resembles her big brother.

I think a lot of people who view newborn photography think of it as being “easy”…and many think it takes just a few minutes to take the best shots. Well, that couldn’t be further from the truth. Not only do we have to have a cooperative little one but I’ve come to learn photography of newborns has so much more to do with other things…like light…and fabric. I’ve become a little obsessed with blankets and fabric over the last four years. One thing I despise in my photos is wrinkles. I picked a fabric for Kaydence that was a little more pesky with wrinkles…I suppose some might be humored by this. I’d rather spend a few extra minutes getting the wrinkles out this way than in photoshop because photoshop really can’t perfectly fix everything.

Even after fabric is steamed I’m constantly working out the wrinkles once the baby is comfy. Some fabric is more cooperative than others…this fabric was more challenging than the baby.

Thankfully Kaydence was a little angel for us. Erin was kind enough to hold the fabric down nice and tight to help keep the fabric as wrinkle free as possible…and yes, it was a hilarious moment so I can help but share another smile from the day.

As I photographed Kaydence in Ashley’s arms I couldn’t but have a flashback of taking a similar photo of Ashley and Caiden. You definitely never forget moments like those.

There’s definitely no forgetting Caiden…but boy are we all so glad to celebrate having Kaydence here this year.

I swear this little girl makes the cutest little pouty faces…something tells me she knew we were thinking of Caiden a lot that day.

You can’t put a price on being able to take photos of Ashley & Paul with Kaydence because taking nearly the same photos with Caiden are still some of the most touching and unforgettable moments I’ve been a part of as a photographer.

Yes, Paul is a proud father…he now has his baby girl here safely in his arms. Something tells me he’s going to be holding her real close for quite sometime.

I was told Paul had Caiden’s name tattoo’d on his arms so it was a perfect opportunity for me to take another memorable photo of Kaydence.

Kaydence will grow up knowing she has a very special big brother in heaven…there’s just no forgetting that sweet little angel.

Yes, Kaydence…we still miss him…something tells me you know that.

This past weekend I invited Kaydence’s family out to do some outdoor newborn photos. It’s a tad bit more challenging to work outdoors so we had a goal to get one perfect shot of Kaydence. Erin joined me again…she helped me test the light where we would shoot the photos of Kaydence.

The plans were to photograph Kaydence on a large tree that had been knocked down. Safety is the absolute most important thing to me so as we positioned her and made sure she was cozy everyone had hands on her helping her feel a little more comforted and safe.

Once we got her into position and we knew she wasn’t too squirmy we began taking tons of photos.

And here she is…sunbathing in the awesome December Florida sun.

Ashley & Paul best wishes to your family. Kaydence truly is a blessing just like her big brother. Something tells me he’s up there smiling as we all watch his little sister grow. Happy birthday Caiden…you’ll never be forgotten.

Today I met with Mary & Mason for the first time since they’ve been home from the NICU. Mason who was also born with spina bifida remained in the NICU for a little over a week and is doing remarkable thus far. Here he is just over two weeks old.

We were so excited to see his eyes open in the NICU that today he decided he wanted to sit and hang out wide awake for a bit. I of course took that as a sign that he wanted me to make sure I captured his adorable eyes. I hear everyone wants to see this little guy in color…so here he is…blondish brown hair and I believe those are blue eyes right now.

I suppose since having Chance nearly six months ago I am beginning to realize just how important it is to help give other mothers that “hope” I had hoped so much for when I was pregnant. When I was pregnant all I read were the medical journals and web sites and a few blogs of other families. It felt like I kept hearing all the most awful things that could happen…and little focus was placed on the pure beauty of these little ones who are truly miracles. I suppose now it’s time to push on with my vision…to help others somehow see what I struggled so hard to find that month after I found out Chance had spina bifida and for the remainder of the time I was pregnant with him. Just look at Mason’s sweet face…curled up just like the approximately 70 other newborns I’ve photographed…if I didn’t tell you…you’d never know he had spina bifida. Even with something that sounds so awful…yes, spina bifida…there’s something quite special in these little souls. Yes, Mason…you are precious and I sure loved how sweet you were to me today.

Due to his spina bifida, Mason was born with two club feet where his feet turn inward. Once his back is completely healed they’ll put casts on his little feet to help correct the problem, but for now they remain curled up. It was quite breathtaking today to photograph his feet. I knew they’d be something special before I took the photos…but looking back now…I’m fairly certain these are some of my absolute favorite newborn feet photos ever. I suppose the only thing more uplifting than these photos was hearing Mary tell me Mason began moving his legs yesterday…and I got to see it today for myself. Yes, it’s a miracle…and we’ll all keep praying that these feet will someday take steps all on their own. For now hopefully you will also enjoy my admiration of his little feet.

Mason was still somewhat curly…but not quite the same as other newborns. I worked with positioning him today. He definitely preferred to stay wrapped. Instead of curling his legs inward, he curled them upward and kept his legs pretty straight. His little feet peek through his wrap so preciously here.

I’d love to take all the credit for taking such sweet photos of Mason but it definitely wouldn’t have been possible with out Mary helping so much. As I worked to position him she often would sing a sweet lullaby in spanish to him….it was absolutely beautiful…the sort of stuff you never forget. It definitely did the trick to help soothe her little man to sleep.

Many prayers to our new friend Mason…we’ll continue praying for his back to heal quickly and that he escapes the need for a shunt.

Over the last few days I’ve been overcome by the out pour of love and support and sincere thoughts shared after sharing baby Mason’s first photos in the NICU I had taken. I’ve been in close touch with Mason’s mother and as you all might imagine…she’s quite busy with trips to the NICU to visit her baby boy and hasn’t had an opportunity to share too many updates. She’s been released from the hospital and is staying fairly close so that she can visit her baby boy often. Her two older children are visiting now so I offered to visit them again in the NICU to capture a few more moments now that Mason is just one day shy of being a week old. I arrived and he was sleeping peacefully…yes, aside from the wires that monitor his vital signs he’s wirefree.

As the nurse changed his diaper his big sister helped keep him content.

Since my last visit a few days ago Mary has been permitted to hold her baby boy…yes, a moment that clearly brings them both so much happiness.

There was no denying the “real” moment of my time with Mary and her kids. Her son had a blast acting silly when my camera was pointed towards him.

Mason is now feeding by bottle and doing quite well since coming off of his feeding tube.

This little guy clung to his Momma’s finger.

…and would not let go.

He opened his eyes for brief periods of time for us.

But spent most of his time resting…like the sweet newborn baby boy that he is.

I’ve photographed a few spina bifida babies since Chance was born…and I swear they have got to be the happiest and most sweet spirited little souls I’ve photographed. Mason let out a huge smile. I’ll be counting the days now until I get to take his “official” newborn photos and pray he remains this smiley.

Mary’s son joined me in taking photos before I left. We had so much fun I thought we were both nearly about to get kicked out of the NICU. Thankfully the sweet nurses were willing to put up with our laughter and attempts to get the best photos of Mary and Mason.

I’m afraid to see the photos her son took of me…but thankfully he cooperated with me while we both took some fun photos.

Mason’s back continues to heal. The doctors have checked on him regularly and continue to monitor him to ensure he doesn’t develop hydrocephalus. Thus far he shows no signs of needing a shunt. Mary’s family has their fingers crossed that he’ll continue to heal and possibly be out within the next week. Spina bifida can be pretty unpredictable but the prayers are working…and I suppose for now that’s the most we can all keep doing.

Today was the first time I entered the NICU since Chance was born. Today I met 2 day old Mason for the first time. Mason also has spina bifida. When I arrived he was laying in the prone position. The sight of this sweet baby boy brought back a rush of emotions and memories for me.

Just like Chance, he was still connected to many wires and a feeding tube. He was just taken off of oxygen today, the first time since his surgery to close his back was completed Monday.

When I arrived the nurse was checking in on him and changing him.

Like most newborns, his eyes were glued shut. He was such a sleepy little guy, though it was tough for him not to squirm with all the wires connected to him.

Mason’s mother Mary had contacted me a few weeks back. She learned Mason had spina bifida around the same time I had Chance. I knew all this time that somehow my baby boy would help so many others….that he would somehow help me help others….I didn’t quite envision the impact he would have on so many people. Thanks to Chance I have connected to hundreds of mothers with children who have spina bifida. Spending a bit of time with Mary & Mason today reminded me of all those first moments, the ones that made me feel so overwhelmed, emotional and vulnerable. I can share all these personal moments with you but I don’t think its something anyone will ever truly understand unless they’ve been challenged with having a baby with spina bifida.

Mary showered her baby boy with kisses. He began to smile. Something tells me he knows how much he’s loved.

Mary mentioned that she had yet to see Mason’s eyes open. It was so rewarding to be able to capture these “first” moments for her.

The first time Mary saw Mason’s eyes open I was there.

I know the last two days have been an emotional rollercoaster for Mary and her family. I know because I have been there. But boy was it uplifting for us to see her baby boy open his eyes today. Sometimes it’s the littlest moments that fill our heart with the most happiness.

Though Mason was born into this world with spina bifida and is likely to encounter challenges in his lifetime…just look at his sweet face…and you’d never knew he had spina bifida.

Mason’s tiny hands were curled up. This was the same arm he had his IV in so he couldn’t move it much.

Due to his spina bifida, Mason was born with two club feet. In the near future he’ll require casts to correct them. For now he keeps his feet curled up like most newborns.

While we there Mason was being fed through his feeding tube.

Mary decided to face Mason so she could see his eyes open better. The moments were totally priceless…no words can really express the love felt today. Something tells me you all may be able to sense it through some of these photos taken. Mason seemed quite happy to have his Momma talking to him.

It’s only a matter of time before I take Mason’s official newborn photos…until then I will keep praying for this sweet baby boy that his time in the NICU is limited and that he is home with his family where he belongs.

“It’s not how much you accomplish in life that really counts,
but how much you give to others.
It’s not how high you build your dreams that makes a difference,
but how high your faith can climb.
It’s not how many goals you reach,
but how many lives you touch.
It’s not who you know that matters,
but who you are inside.
Believe in the impossible,
hold tight to the incredible,
and live each day to its fullest potential.
You can make a difference in your world.”

by Rebecca Barlow Jordan

Last fall when I was pregnant with Chance and learned he had spina bifida I admit I was devasted and feared all the worst things that could possibly happen. I have and at times still do wonder “why” our sweet baby boy has spina bifida. I know it’s something we’ll likely never know the answer to. The past year one of the few things that have helped me in justifying all this happening to him, and our family, I am reminded that there must be a greater reason…and in less than a year I’ve begun to see just what an impact my baby boy has been to so many people. This little guy is only a little over four months old and he’s already making a difference. Yes, as much as I hate knowing he has spina bifida…I’ve come to realize that through all his challenges he’s going to help so many…he already has — and I know he will continue to. And if he isn’t helping them…something tells me sharing his story is at least touching quite a few people.

So I’m excited to help spread the word about Orlando’s 1st Annual Walk-n-Roll for spina bifida. I began Chance’s team last night and in less than 24 hours I’m so touched to see so many of you reach out to support my baby boy’s team. His team has raised close to $500 in less than a day…that’s about a third of the total funds that have been raised thus far. The event isn’t until the end of October so something tells me he’ll help make a much bigger impact to creating awareness and helping support the spina bifida community in Central Florida.

Walk-N-Roll for Spina Bifida is a one day walk dedicated to raising funds for programs and services to benefit those living with Spina Bifida. Participants share an incredible experience and take pride in their efforts to make a difference in the lives of families living with Spina Bifida. As a Walk-N-Roll participant, you are our link to the more than 166,000 Americans estimated to be living with Spina Bifida. Proceeds benefit the Spina Bifida Association of Central Florida.

Something tells me you all may have questions on how you can help support Chance so let me see if I can address them now.

HOW CAN I JOIN CHANCE’S TEAM?
If you’d like to formerly join Chance’s team you can visit his team web page on the Spina Bifida Association of Central Florida web site. It is my understanding that the Spina Bifida Association will be giving event t-shirts to team members who join a team and raise $100.

DO I HAVE TO FORMERLY JOIN HIS TEAM OR CAN I JUST DONATE?
If you prefer to just donate you can help me raise funds towards Chance’s team by making a donation. You can still attend the event without formerly being a part of a team. Of course the more of you who join our team and help raise funds, the bigger difference we make.

HOW ELSE CAN I HELP?
Help us spread the word. Share this with others you know through email, facebook, or twitter. We’ll likely also be holding a few little events to help raise funds for Chance’s team and we’ll be sure to spread the word in case any of you are interested in joining us. Don’t forget to join the “event” page in facebook that we’ve created in support of Chance’s team.

I HEARD YOU’RE MAKING “SUPER CHANCE” T-SHIRTS FOR CHANCE’S TEAM, IS THAT TRUE? AND WHERE CAN I GET ONE?
Heck yeah, we’ll be sporting “Super Chance” team shirts. I mentioned it on twitter & facebook earlier today and I quickly got quite a few people asking where they can get them…now. They haven’t been designed yet…but once they are I’ll be sure to spread the word and share how you can purchase your own shirt.

Thank you all again for the support. It means the world to me. My family. And my sweet baby boy. You guys totally rock!

At the end of the summer I received a request for my first Littlest Heroes Photo Session. The Littlest Heroes Project is a volunteer effort I joined this spring and has since become the non-profit organization, Inspiration through Art. The goal is to offer photography sessions free to families in need due to medical circumstances that make it more difficult for these families to afford professional photography. So when the first request came in I was more than excited to take part in this great cause. I learned of the request shortly after I became pregnant and was eager to do my first photo session for the organization while I was on break over the end of the summer. Justin’s mother and I worked out a time and we met in mid-August with their family here in Orlando. Yes, it’s taken me two months to finally share these photos. I believe that may be a record for the longest turn around time. Those that know me and have worked with me know typically I turn photos around within a few days, often times the same day because it excites me to share the photos with families. Unfortunately this pregnancy has really taken total control of me, even more so the last few weeks, so I’ve had to set aside almost all photography endeavors to focus on my health, this baby, my family, and work. Thankfully Lora’s family has been amazing and patient, though I know they’re anxious to finally see some of the photos from that memorable day.

Those that don’t know ten year old Justin may not even realize the adversity he’s faced recently. To a stranger he looks like a perfect, normal, and healthy child. Justin has been diagnosed with diabetes and it has certainly had a big impact on his and his family’s life. Just before our session I recall Lora calling me to update me that they had taken a detour to a restaurant to make sure Justin got some food and a drink because his blood sugar was low. Day in and day out he must check his levels regularly and at times receives insulin shots to help manage his diabetes. Here’s one of the first photos I took of Justin back in August.

One of the most challenging things since I’ve taken on photography is how to open up people to feel less stiff and more natural during photos. I want them to be themselves…genuine and how we want to remember them. With Justin’s photo session I did my best not to even bring up his challenges with diabetes. Not that I didn’t want to know about them but I didn’t want that to be the focus of our time together. I wanted his entire family to enjoy their time together as we took photos, and perhaps for a brief time forget about how much diabetes affects them all since Justin was diagnosed. So we decided to let Justin to have some fun with his sister, Leighanna, walking on the railroad tracks. I asked them to walk, act normal, talk, and perhaps act goofy. These two photos are definitely among the more memorable ones of the day.

Of course the kids enjoyed being goofy.

Now I’d love to say this photo session should just be about Justin…he’s been through a lot since being diagnosed with diabetes. But it’s tough not to think of the sacrifices his family has made, including his older sister Leighanna.

I could tell she really enjoyed having her pictures taken.

I could sense Justin was a bit more reserved and I contemplated the many ways I could get him to open up and have fun as we took hundreds of photos in an hour or two together. As I took photos of his sister I overheard his mother mention he actually enjoys taking photos more. I know some think I’m a little crazy to let kids use my camera but I didn’t hesitate to ask Justin if he’d like to be the photographer for a little bit. He of course was more than excited to step up to the challenge. After giving him a quick minute lesson on how to use the basic functions of my camera he seemed to have some fun photographing his sister for a few photos. I of course couldn’t resist capturing the moment on my iPhone.

Here’s a few more photos of Justin…

One of my favorite photos captures this amazing little guy…just look into his eyes and you can see such a strong willed little man.

We spent a bit of time exploring a few spots near Church Street and the kids definitely seemed to be filled with much more laughter.

Hopefully I didn’t catch Lora and her husband off guard when I let them know they’d be included in photos too. We can sit and talk about the kids all day long, but I think it’s important to recognize them both and capture a few moments of just them together.

Something tells me the brief time with them will be one they remember for many years…I know it’s one I won’t forget any time soon. It’s amazing how easy it is to forget a lot of things in life, but as the Maya Angelou quote says at the beginning of this post….one thing you never forget is how people made you feel. I look back at the photos two months later and am still quite touched by that brief time with their family and more so since receiving quite a few supportive and reassuring messages from Lora these last two months.

By the end of our time together Justin opened up more and I think these are among the photos that capture his genuine spirit…the one I remember.

Just two more photos of the kids together and we called it a day.

Lora thanks again to you and your family for going out of your way to drive all the way to Orlando to meet for photos. And thanks even more for being so patient and supportive these last two months. I’ve been told great things come to those who wait..and though it was never my intent…I hope you find these photos to be just that. Best wishes to you and your family.

LEARN MORE ABOUT WRENN
Thanks to those of you generous enough to help Wrenn’s family. It’s not to late to help Wrenn’s family…a link to the NTAF donation page is below.  If all goes as planned they may be relocating to St. Louis this week. Thanks also to all of you who have helped us spread the word. I know there are many many prayers being said for Wrenn and her family. Take a moment to help out how you can.

• If you missed the photos I took a couple days ago of Wrenn be sure to check them out: http://www.amandakern.com/blog/2010/05/a-few-moments-with-wrenn/
• Wrenn’s blog
  
• Wrenn’s NTAF donation page
• Wrenn’s facebook page

I’m totally in awe with the overwhelming response since sharing photos of Wrenn earlier this week. As her family awaits the final medical approvals and decisions to be made many of their friends and family have come together to help Jason & Nicole. After meeting Wrenn I knew she was fighting a rare genetic condition. And I knew she was special. But after doing a little reading I began to learn a bit more about the surfactant protein deficiency she has been diagnosed with and realize just how much she’s up against. The disorder she has been diagnosed with happens in only one out of every million babies. After learning of another little one who underwent a similar procedure it’s my understanding she’s one of only about 50 or so babies who’ll undergo a lung transplant in the last 15 years.

Now of course we’ll have to trust in the powers above and the team of amazing doctors to see Wrenn through these challenges. Though the Parris family does have insurance to help this undoubtably will have a huge impact on their family as they now will have to uproot and move to St. Louis to care for Wrenn throughout all the medical help she will need. I can’t even begin to imagine how challenging it is to think of how much their little girl has already been through and is about to go through but to add in having to move and juggling the financial strain this is likely to put on their family is more than overwhelming.

But TOGETHER we CAN help the Parris family.

Yes, I say together. I recall at the end of last quarter I offered up free photo sessions to help out Relay for Life, a cause very important to me. Together we raised over $600. Yes, I say together because once again I’m willing to step up and help this amazing little girl. I suppose today is also a day I think of the little ones I’ve lost and I’d give the world if I could have done anything to save them. But I know I couldn’t. But together we can help the Parris family save their little girl. So once again, I’m giving away two FREE photo sessions if you guys help me help Wrenn!

Everyone likes “FREE” and I’ve been told so many of you like my photography – so here’s what I need you to do if you want a chance to win a free photo session with me.

• Go to Wrenn’s NTAF donation page and donate to help Wrenn’s family. The minimum donation is $10.

• Donate a minimum of $10 dollars and email me proof of your donation to amanda [at] amandakern.com – to do this either take a screenshot of the confirmation page or proof of payment. (If you choose to donate but aren’t interested in entering to win a photo session there’s no need to email me your confirmation.) Here’s an example of my confirmation:

• When emailing me share with me your name, contact information and the ages and number of people of who you wish to be photographed so that I can get back in touch with you if you are chosen.
• In just over a week, on May 28th, 2010 I will once again arise from my coursework and randomly pick 2 winners. The names of those who have helped me give will be put in a hat and I will let my two little blessings randomly help pick 2 winners. Entries for a FREE photo session will be accepted until 3pm on May 28th, 2010.

If you win you will receive:

• A free photo session with me that will last 1-2 hours for you, your family, or someone you wish to give the session to.
• The photo session will be valid through December 31, 2010.
• You will receive all unedited and edited photos in HIGH DIGITAL RESOLUTION format. Yes, I said FREE. That means I earn NOTHING from giving.
• You will be given permission to print and share online all digitial photos for personal use.

*By participating if you win you agree that photos may be used in my portfolio.
**You must be in the immediate Orlando area or willing to travel to Orlando if you win.
***The value of a custom photo session w/high resolution photos is $650.

So take a moment to help me give. Even if you’re not interested in my photography you can take a moment to donate to help Wrenn! If you don’t have it in yourself to give monetarily, then help me spread the word so that I can give…not just to Wrenn – but families who would value the memories I could capture for them.

Together we CAN help Wrenn!

P.S. If you’re not already a fan of my photography in facebook, go join: http://www.facebook.com/amandakernphotography – this likely won’t be the last time I give this year and my fan page is a great way to stay updated!

LEARN MORE ABOUT WRENN

• If you missed the photos I took a couple days ago of Wrenn be sure to check them out: http://www.amandakern.com/blog/2010/05/a-few-moments-with-wrenn/
• Wrenn’s blog
  
• Wrenn’s NTAF donation page
• Wrenn’s facebook page
  

Some of you may recall before the holidays I posted that I was participating in the “giving is awesome” effort that hundreds of other photographers across the country were doing as a way of giving back to those in need. I was excited to be able to help others through my photography. After receiving a few nominations I found the nomination made by one of my former students, Wendy Johnson, to be the most moving. Wendy told me of a neighbor she had that lost her job in 2008. Her neighbor, Yvette English, is a single mother of two children and has struggled to make ends meet and provide for her children after losing a six figure income. Though Wendy’s nomination was moving I must admit reading an article the Orlando Sentinel wrote after reporters interviewed Yvette last fall only moved me more.

During the holiday break I made contact with Yvette and we began to plan a photoshoot with her and the kids. Both of our schedules have been so demanding that we had to put off the session until last week. We decided to meet at one of their favorite locations, the dog park Pawmosa in Casselberry, so that their dog Polo could join us for a few photos. Yvette mentioned to me that she hadn’t taken photos of her with the kids since they were much younger so I was happy to be able to help capture a few candid moments with her, the kids, and their dog Polo.

I don’t get to photograph preteens and teens as often as babies and toddlers so it was a new challenge. I found myself a few times wishing I could play “peek-a-boo” like I do with the little ones to illicit more genuine smiles. They were both so awesome though and I enjoyed getting to capture a few moments with them for Yvette. As I did I began to think of how much they’ve been affected by all that has happened. Something tells me they’ll both grow that much stronger through the adversity their family has faced recently.

Yvette mentioned that not much has changed since the Orlando Sentinel article in November. She continues to seek employment with medical technology companies and has a couple interviews coming up. The last two years she’s struggled to provide for her children, has faced foreclosure, is in the midst of the final stages of a divorce and as she does she too continues to find it in herself to give back and volunteer. When we met last week that topic came up and we both agreed that by giving of ourselves and helping others we not only felt better because we were able to help others who needed us but it helped take our minds off of all our own challenges. As challenging as things have been for her I admired seeing how much determination she has had and how she refuses to be defeated by all the challanges she’s faced.

Yvette I hope you and your family enjoy the moments I captured last week. It was a pleasure finally getting to meet you and the kids. Best wishes to you and your family…I have faith that better days are ahead. Thank you for reminding me that giving IS awesome.

I’ve been volunteering as a photographer with Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep (NILMDTS) since this past December and today I was called out to do my 8th session with a little one who was taken from this world far too soon. I’ve been so busy since the new year that I haven’t had much time to commit to photo sessions. I think my NILMDTS sessions may now out number the sessions I’ve done since the new year. Today as I was in the midst of busy moments I received the call that no other photographers were available and quickly gathered my things to head to the hospital to meet with a family that were spending their final moments with their nearly four month old little girl.

For me the trip to the hospital is always a reflective one that mentally I begin to anticipate encountering highly emotional moments. It’s also a time that I am reminded of my own losses after miscarrying and despite how challenging they have been for me, I realize things could have been so much worse. It’s not easy confronting any of the emotions, but I must admit that by helping others during some of the most challenging moments in their lives it in turn only helps see me through the many challenges I’ve faced this past year.

I arrived at the hospital and had one of the most moving moments before ever meeting the family. It was my first time at Florida Hospital Orlando since their renovations and as I went down the escalator I saw this massive mural that totally moved me so much that I quickly took this iPhone photo of it as I went down the escalator rushing to the NICU.

I swear this mural seemed like sign…a sign that God is listening and standing over me and this family I was about to meet. It was a sign that he would provide us with the strength needed to make it through today. The mural was huge, spanning the height of over three floors of the hospital. It was such a heavenly sight for me to see…knowing I was about to greet a little angel. Beneath the mural was inscribed “In the beginning God created” – it only reminded me of the faith I have that God will continue to see me through my own challenges.

Another uplifting moment was getting the opportunity to meet a fellow NILMDTS volunteer photographer, Paris Carter. Paris just began as a volunteer this past month so she’s been shadowing other photographers, something I never had the opportunity to do. I could sense Paris had the same apprehension I had when I first began. But I’m so thankful we’ve got another photographer on board. I have no doubt Paris is going to do some amazing things for the many families that need NILMDTS. Volunteering with NILMDTS has been one of the toughest things I’ve had to do and it’s definitely not for everyone, but it is by far one of the most rewarding and touching things I have ever done. Every single call I go on my heart skips a beat and with each session I do I realize this is something I was meant to do. NILMDTS is always looking for experienced photographers so if you’re experienced and feel compelled to help don’t hesitate to sign up to volunteer. I recall being so apprehensive and waiting over a year to sign up because I was scared it was something I couldn’t do. So if you find yourself in a similar position and have questions or concerns don’t hesitate to contact me.

By the time we arrived in the NICU the little one I photographed was spending her final moments with her family. It’s always tough because many times we don’t know exactly what to expect before we meet the family. The little one was born with birth defects and complications that she battled for nearly four months. Her family referred to her as a “fighter”. As sad as the moments were today, we all said our prayers and I sent my blessings to the family knowing that their little girl is now resting peacefully. The family said they felt a little better knowing their daughter was now in a better place. As moving as the moments were, it was so heartwarming to feel the love this family had for their little girl.

As I left the hospital I recall looking back at that mural one last time filled with hope. The hope that God will give these families who have lost their little ones the strength to move past such trying moments and the hope that my brief efforts photographing their little ones will help them find the peace needed to help heal their heartache. And the hope that I too will continue to find this same strength and hope to make it through my own losses.