This past year has been tough. That’s no surprise. Over the last week I made another incredibly tough decision…but one that I know in my heart is right. I’ve elected to discontinue my studies towards my masters degree at Savannah College of Art & Design (SCAD).

If you’ve been following my blog over the last year or know me you know I had been enrolled at SCAD totally online in their elearning program since fall 2007 where I completed my bachelor’s degree and went onto pursue my masters degree immediately afterwards. I was enrolled full-time those three years all while working, raising the kids, and beginning to pursue photography. During this time I also began my photography business as well as becoming more active in a variety of volunteer causes. Add in a miscarriage, several surgeries, another pregnancy, a baby boy who has spina bifida and many more medical moments for us both. After making it a year into the masters program at SCAD I failed the candidacy review and then 3 days later received the diagnosis that certainly has changed my life forever. I elected to withdraw last fall for the first time ever in my life from a college course and took a step away from SCAD with the intent to return once life settled down after having Chance. I had hoped by the summer or fall quarter I’d be enrolled.

This past month I began to take the measures to reenroll. In fact, I went through the courses I needed to earn my degree and checked off the ones I had already taken. I registered for a course. I even attended the candidacy review orientation and took sketchnotes for the hour or so that the advisors discussed the expectations of the upcoming candidacy review I had anticipated going through. I’ve since learned that its not uncommon for students to fail their candidacy review the first time around and I was getting pumped to go through and make the changes needed and move forward to take the remaining courses needed so that this degree was behind me. SCAD is also undergoing changes in their masters program and the more I hear of other student’s experiences I find myself realizing that it might be best for me to take a step back for now because I have so many more important things in my life right now.

The more thought I gave this decision the more I realized all that I had ahead in the coming year and at this point in my life I am beginning to learn that the quote, “You can do anything, but you can’t do everything” is quite true. This decision wasn’t something that came easy for me. I’ve given it much thought and at times have found myself quite heartbroken because I hate to quit or fail anything. I don’t like to “give up”. Rather than thinking of it that way, I’d prefer to look forward optimistically. I’ve discussed this with very few people over the last week or so and thankfully everyone I’ve spoken to has agreed that this decision makes sense given where I’m at in my life and given just how many personal things that have happened in my life lately, including Chance’s and my recent medical moments. It doesn’t make it any easier for me, but I realize that in addition to my family my career, photography, and volunteer efforts truly need me. As I begin to see the impact I’ve made I was reminded this week by one person, “Many have been called but few are chosen.” Yes, I walk away from SCAD as I certainly feel pulled towards far more meaningful work and causes that I know need me.

Dr. Seuss is quite wise in saying, “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” and I shall move forward with that thought. It’s still tough to accept that I am walking away from SCAD without my masters degree. Perhaps someday I may return but it is far from the top of my priority list. I’ve come to accept that this decision will be for the best for me and for my family. Coming to terms with this decision has reminded me of the article Kristy Pennino & I co-authored back in 2006 for Create Magazine, “The truth about what the creative industry expects from graduates”. It reminded me…

• A degree alone won’t be the factor that will make me a better designer or educator.
• A degree alone won’t necessarily make me happier, wealthier, or more successful.
• A degree alone won’t prove my abilities.
• A degree alone won’t make me more passionate, enthusiastic, eager or motivated.
• A degree alone won’t make me more creative.

I won’t say I don’t need to earn a masters degree, however, where I’m at in my life it won’t make my life significantly better or worth the amount of time I’d have to invest to complete the last half of the degree. I look back at the three years I was enrolled at SCAD and now walk away disappointed yet thankful for the experiences. I can’t say that I learned more about design than I had as a student at Valencia but I’m still thankful for the experience that has caused me to think differently and more openly about many things related to design and education.

I walk away from SCAD feeling as though I learned so much more about being an educator than a designer. I thank all my SCAD professors and classmates for nudging me since starting my masters degree. I look back at that year after I had miscarried pushing myself to stay in school full-time and realize it was probably God’s way of trying to nudge me to give it a break…and that He had bigger plans for me. I look at all I’m doing now and I walk away proudly knowing that it’s unfair to me, my family, my colleagues, my students, as well as my SCAD professors and classmates for me to stay at SCAD when right now so many more things in my life deserve my time.

To all my students and the others that have looked up to me, especially those of you considering pursuing studies at SCAD (or any degree for that matter), I want to make sure you know that this decision is not my way of discouraging your education. In fact, I still hope you all strive on to meet your educational goals. The many years I have been in school have certainly helped me and are part of the reason I have made it to where I am in life. A degree might be a factor in the equation but it’s all the other things that make a difference. The one thing I hope you remember is that a degree, no matter where it’s from, will never replace or prove your talent, passion, or enthusiasm. They won’t help an employer realize how motivated or creative you are. Those who have that drive and passion will find what fuels them…and push on to do the good that they were intended to do. And that is precisely what I shall do. In the bigger scheme of life I know years from now I will look back and a masters degree won’t be the defining factor in what I’ve been able to accomplish.

I trust that God is pulling me away from SCAD because there are bigger things ahead planned for me. So as I say “farewell” for now to SCAD and begin to move on to do some awesome things ahead in my life…I’ll share the words of Robert Frost. It seems as though every time life pulls me in a different direction than initially planned this verse of his poem “The Road Not Taken” come rushing back to my mind to remind me that decisions like this will make a difference in my life.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Farewell, SCAD.

After spending an incredible amount of time last week finishing all preparations and submitting all of my work for my masters candidacy review I learned last evening that after the hundreds of hours I have spend this past year devoted to my studies I have failed my masters candidacy review by merely 2 points. The process involves students submitting a minimum of 8 projects, process books and design narratives to a committee of faculty who collaboratively review each students work and evaluate based on a point rated rubric system where students receive 1-5 points across 11 defined objectives. The review ratings share with the students the review committees assessment of their work as excellent, good, average, weak, or unsatisfactory. The news has been devastating for me to hear and now I spend the time to reflect and seek out the feedback needed to some how make it past this highly subjective process.

Last week as I completed all of my work I recall feeling a sense of accomplishment and nearly shared my work last week because I know I have had many of you curious to see exactly what has consumed me so much this past year. I know in the case of many of my own students who have or are highly considering transferring to SCAD and my classmates who either already have or will soon undergo a review that you all are curious to hear more of the genuine and honest feedback from a student at SCAD. It is something I never had the benefit of having as I pursued my studies this past year. So though last week I hesitated sharing my work until I received the results and though part of me feels quite self conscious of sharing work that a committee has deemed as a “failing” quality of work I sit here and realize that my objective in life should not be to be perfect. I am not. I highly value learning and I think sharing these experiences and the work I have done to date that I have shared in my candidacy review may not only aide you all in seeing just how subjective the process is, but also somehow help me in this reflective process of figuring out a way of how I will push forward and pass my review the next time around. After failing this time around I am left with sincere concerns of just how subjective the review is and to fail by merely two points make me fear how subjective the next group of committee reviewers may be. Yes, it’s that much more stressful knowing we only have two opportunities to submit work for our candidacy review. If we fail both we are not able to continue with our MFA studies.

So I share with you the process books for the 10 projects I submitted in the order in which they were submitted, which was also the order in which I completed my last year at SCAD. I am NOT ashamed of the work I have done. I do not consider myself the world’s best designer, however, never had I envisioned I would receive a failing score in my review. What I am sharing is not every project I have completed at SCAD. I also wish to remind you that all projects are ones completed for educational purposes so often times things were redesigned or used as a basis for a project, however, I want to make it very clear that my ideas are NOT a representative of any of the organization I have completed design work for. Additionally, I did incorporate some of my own photography in some of these projects and hope every understands that the photographs also are not representative of any of the organizations or individuals who may be in the photographs which are intended to pitch my visual and conceptual ideas for each project.

As you view the process books you may go directly to slideshare (on the bottom right corner of the presentation) and once there you will see an opportunity to view the work “fullscreen” which helps reviewing the details if you care to learn more.

The Neverending Miscarriage
I suppose it makes it that much more upsetting knowing that I, unlike most students, have fought an incomprehensible amount of medical, physical, and emotional factors since miscarrying last fall. This project was an experimental typographic project which I used a fraction of my own writing from last fall. The process book outlines my approach and I still have the pdf online of the 50+ page book for any of you who care to review it more closely.

Chicka Chicka Boom Boom book cover redesign
Again, the process book outlines for all projects share the detailed process behind the making of each project.

Design of a Typeface

Bodegas multiple version CSS web site

3D product, point of purchase & tradeshow design

Homeless Social Awareness campaign

The Map to My Mind
This is the one professional project I submitted. We were permitted only one opportunity to share work from outside of our coursework at SCAD.

And I imagine to some I may sound very bitter about this review process, however, I think what is especially tough for me at this point is understanding how I could fail. I understand and respect the fact that there is a review process in place. In fact, I have been in courses where I am puzzled how some students were even granted admission into the masters program so I appreciate this level of scrutiny of our work. However, I would think the goal is not just to give us input to help us improve but to weed out those who do not possess the abilities and quality of work. I was told today by one of the reviewers that “the committee recognizes your talent and abilities, but feels with the areas noted, will bring your work to a much higher level of achievement.” However, from a student’s perspective and hoping for a process which is learning centered I would hope the goal is not to fail students whose work could be improved. If potential and talent are evident in the work I would think, or hope that this would be the purpose of the required portfolio review course taken towards the end of our degree where students have more than a week to perfect and make updates to projects that are representative of their time at SCAD. When you fail a student by merely 2 points it is completely discouraging and looking back at the rating system I am baffled by the number of “weak” ratings I received. According to the rubric “weak” demonstrates marginal understanding of the criteria and that major improvements are needed.Weak ratings in the following categories leave me still baffled by this subjective process:

• The student’s work demonstrates a knowledgeable and appropriate application of typography.
• The student’s work displays a mature and effective use of layout techniques.
• The student has shown consistent grown in intellectual and artistic maturity since entering the program.
• Based on observations of departmental faculty, the level of student participation in classroom activities, critiques, discussions, and presentations.

And again, as upsetting as this is I do not share it out of an emotional out lash but rather as a way of both sharing my work and perhaps continuing to take in all the feedback that is shared to help me prepare for the next review. Up until this point I have truly stood behind the quality of my education at SCAD and feel that it has been a positive experience that has broadened my knowledge of not just design but also teaching. And if I were to be brutally honest, though I have learned and experienced plenty about design during my time at SCAD I feel as though my education has only helped me grow more as an educator. What I have taken away most from every course are the positive and negative learning experiences which have shaped me into the educator I am today.

If you happen to take the time to review my work I do value any input you wish to share either publicly if you prefer you may email me privately at amanda [at] amandakern.com. Perhaps I am totally crazy but looking back at all my work I still find it very hard to believe I have failed so just as I encourage in the courses I teach, I value critique and am not opposed to the positive or negative impressions of my work. I think illustrator Kevin Cornell states it best in his article titled, “taking critique”, “Criticism is a necessary evil for growth. We all get it, and we all unfortunately need it.” Yes, Kevin is correct critiques can be like a punch in the stomach but the scrutiny and subjectivity of such diverse opinions of design and art work are certainly necessary in the evolution of learning and becoming a stronger designer, artist and photographer. So as always, I welcome it.

I suppose I am feeling only more discouraged after experiencing such a challenging year. I have always tried so hard to understand the “why” behind being challenged but this past year has only caused me to stop trying to understand but instead “believe” and not doubt that all things happen for a reason…a reason which often times we do not understand. For those that know me best the know that I’m not typically a highly religious or biblical person, but I do believe and this past year has caused me to reflect so much more and some how seek out a renewed sense of faith to help see me through every challenge God throws my way. Ironically yesterday I shared a quote from the Book of James in facebook after trying to understand again after doing on an NILMDTS photo shoot earlier that day. And I now share it as a reminder to myself that some how I find the perseverance to see myself through this tough news that has made me feel like a complete failure after spending hundreds of hours this past year pouring out my heart and energy into my studies.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt…” —James 1:2-6

So now I will “believe” and not doubt myself or the reasons I have now been challenged once again because it’s likely I will never understand.

When we arrived home Monday I learned we were beginning our logo design preliminary sketches this week. I’ve done many logo designs over the years, so sketches really don’t bother me. However, I’ve never had a large quantity requirement. As I reviewed the requirements I learned we were required to sketch 100 preliminary thumbnails of our logo ideas. Back during my days as a student at Valencia I recall only being required to do 10 or 20 or enough to show several strong ideas. For me sketching out ideas is always a fun process. However, since I’ve been teaching the last 5+ years I’ve come to realize even more now that sooooo many new students and clients take for granted how valuable the process of logo design really is. It’s not uncommon for many students to complain having to do 10 or 20 rough drafts, let alone 100. I suppose this number seemed a little daunting for me knowing just how many other things I am doing that equally need my attention, but I welcomed the challenge. I decided that today would finally be the day for me to get my sketches out of the way.

Anyhow, after a good 5 or 6 hours of doodling ideas – I thought I’d share ALL 100 thumbnails. I know many of you heard me twittering about my sketches and were curious so I hope you enjoy finally seeing my silly doodles. Keep in mind that when you produce work at a rapid rate it’s far more important to work through ideas than to perfect every idea. For me the quantity reminds me of my photography, I typically take hundreds of photos and only keep a few great ones to share. In time the same will happen with these logo ideas – as I continue to work on this project.

As I approached my final 20 sketches I came to the end of my moleskine notebook and went to grab my other one to finish up. It’s not uncommon for me to allow the kids to doodle in my notebooks. I love to encourage their creativity, it keeps them busy, and well…I love to be surprised by their doodles. While we were visiting Hala’s last weekend I allowed Hope to draw in my notebook while I met with the owner, my teacher, and another classmate. I had seen some of her doodles but tonight was the first time I saw her “supergirl” illustration. How hilarious is this? As I know you all have called me “superwoman” on more than one occasion – I couldn’t resist sharing her illustration and beginning the remainder of my logos right beside her illustration. As I finished all I could think was, “I sure could use some real super powers right now to help me”.

There you have it…100 logo sketches. I welcome you to leave me your thoughts if you wish to share them. I will begin refining my ideas soon and appreciate all the insight you all may have.

First, before I share the photos with you, I felt it pretty important to share with you a brief understanding of the project. The concentration of the project was Visual Rhetoric, meaning we would be expected to use imagery to help represent a specific chosen amount of text that was provided to us. We were given a few options to choose from. Because I had fallen behind from the chaotic moments of last month, I was able to see how frequently some text options were chosen so I tried to go with one that was less used but also the one that left a more emotional impact. Once we selected our text from the options we were given we were to conceptualize and create two images representing the text literally and abstractly. Here’s the provided text I used as the basis for this project:

“And when some months later she contemplated suicide, she decided to drown herself in the open sea so that the vileness of her dead body would be known only to fish, mute fish.

I spoke earlier of a Thomas Mann story: a young man suffering from a mortal illness gets on a train and descends in an unknown town. There is a wardrobe in his room, and every night a painfully beautiful naked woman steps out of it and tells him a long, sweetly sad tale, and that woman and that tale are death.

It is death sweetly bluish, like nonbeing. Because nonbeing is an infinite emptiness and empty space is blue and there is nothing more beautiful and more soothing than blue. Not at all by chance did Novalis, the poet of death, love blue and search for nothing else on his journeys. Death’s sweetness is blue in color.?”—Milan Kundera, The Book of Laugher and Forgetting

After all I’ve been through the last month or so it was easy to relate to the “emptiness” visually. I also found that with fish being a symbol of fertility that it only be fitting to come up with a concept that related to both this text, but also to me personally. Here are the two images together as a diptych.

The first image I elected to keep primarily black and white to set the mood. Yes, me standing at the train tracks – holding a stinky fish at sunrise. To most, they may not instantly see the fish, but I hope that as they do it makes them more curious to know the meaning behind the photo.

Here’s that stinky fish up close. After some color adjustments and other minor alterations to the photo I added in staples to the mouth of the fish to show how it was “mute”. Most may not get why a fish must be left to remain silent. I suppose this fish knows all about the “sad tale” noted in the text.

Yes, this all seems a bit strange, I’m sure…and its definitely far from the typical newborn photos I’m known for but hopefully you all enjoy the conceptual nature of the project.

Yes, I was up at sunrise last week taking these photos. The night before we went out, I mentioned it to Hope and she expressed an interest to come along with me. I was thrilled she had an interest. She got up at 530 in the morning with no problems at all and I have to admit I enjoy the photos of her from that morning just a tad bit more than stinky fish photos.

She insisted on walking on the train tracks.

And yes, I had to apologize to her teachers because though she got up with no problems at all – I could tell by the time I took her to school that she looked a little tired – but she had fun.

We just love Church Street. On the way to the train tracks she swore she saw her buddy Kaiden’s name etched in a brick. I told her we’d come back to check once I finished my fish photos. On the way back we did stop and search for a good five minutes and couldn’t find his name. She still swears she saw it – though something tells me she’s been missing her friends and she was definitely thinking of them that morning.

I told Hope we had to go so that we got her to school on time. She gave me a hard time because she still believed she saw Kaiden’s name.

The light an hour or so after sunrise is great. Every parent should take their kids out at sunrise to explore the world a little more. I must say that our sunrise venture out was a very memorable one and one that we’ll definitely have to do again. Next time without fish!

SOME ARTSY MOMENTS
Jason’s been on 12 hours shifts the last three days so the kids and I have been trying to keep ourselves occupied. And it’s been a whole week since I’ve done a photoshoot – don’t go into shock! Well, today I decided to do some artsy projects with the kids.

While I got things ready to paint I put large paper on the floor for the kids to color. Jaylen had a blast coloring with his big sis.

I’m working on a book cover design project for my typography course and I’m planning for a lot of the design to happen off the computer in a similar style to the children’s book illustrator Eric Carle. So today Hope and I did several paint fields as part of the process so that I can redesign the cover of Chicka Chicka Boom Boom for my class. I thought I’d share a few photos of our fun moments today.

I started out by telling her what I was doing for my project and how I needed to paint.

Of course I let her paint with me today.

We painted LOTS of yellow.

Hope made sure to tell me what the colors reminded her of. We used a few different yellows and one she called macaroni yellow and another she called banana yellow. That makes a lot more sense than cadmium yellow, right?! I’d prefer to refer to color names by what Hope calls them any day. So here I am asking her what color yellow I was painting with. She claims it’s banana yellow.

I’m also about to start using a linoleum block print for part of the design process for this same project. Hope has been working on her & Jaylen’s thank you cards for their birthdays and so I let her try cutting her first linoleum block today. She was very excited to try something new and she’s been carving away at it for quite sometime this evening.

I had to show her how to cut the block, because she did get frustrated at first. I also had to make sure she knew how to hold the block safely, though I made sure to get the safety blades for her to use.

I took turns with her to help get her started. She took the camera remote and had a blast taking photos. She got a little silly.

Then she got super silly.

She was hilarious. I asked her what she was doing and she said “taking lots of pictures like you do to me”. So she acted even sillier. I guess all these silly pictures are payback for me torturing her with the camera.

Okay, I know that’s only a sneak peak – I’m sure I’ll have more to share with you all soon. Lord knows I have a ton of catching up to do. Hope you all enjoyed seeing some creative moments with myself and the kiddos!

A SENSE OF PLACE
This is my first quarter working on my masters in Graphic Design at SCAD and I have to say that if it weren’t for how chaotic last month was, I’d have truly enjoyed my classes. I completed my bachelors this past spring, and I must admit that thus far the masters program is pretty exciting with some challenging and enjoyable projects. A lot more emphasis is placed on conceptual ideas and process. I’m still behind after being out for nearly a month due to the miscarriage and all the complications that followed so I will end up receiving incompletes which will give me a little more time to work my heart out on these remaining projects.

I’m closest to finishing my photography course. I just finished another project tonight that I thought I’d share with you all. For every project we receive a project description that lets us know what the theme of the assignment is. For this project it was “A sense of place”:

You will use the photographic medium to express a sense of place for the city in which you live. This assignment is not designed to capture a selection of tourist images of your town or city, but rather should express your own feelings and thoughts about the place. The images do not need to be recognizable as the place where you live. It is more important to provide an emotive experience for the viewer that describes an almost palpable experience of the environment.

For our project we had to create two final digital images – a collage and a montage. I have to admit it’s a term I’ve easily interchanged as a designer and after focusing so heavily on it with this assignment it’s good to finally be able to discern the difference. I imagine other designers still mix up the two terms. For the purposes of the project, we were given a clear description of each:

A collage is composed of portions or fragments of photographs secured from many different sources. Preprinted magazine images might be combined with actual photographs, drawings, prints, photocopies, or even real world objects/textures to create a rich pattern of textures and imagery. The images are usually sourced prior to deciding the conceptual basis of the image and, in turn, should determine the look and concept of the final piece.

A montage is a composite photograph created when two or more separate photographs are combined to create an illusionary or surreal print. A photomontage is distinguished from a photo-collage in that it is a composite printed exclusively from photo images taken by the artist. A montage is usually based around a central idea which is considered prior to sourcing the imagery. A photographer may then go and shoot the required source photographs to create the finished image.

I thought long and  hard for weeks before and during the time I was going through all the surgeries and time in the hospital. How could I represent a way to give a sense of place for where I live? And then it dawned on me the weekend I had to return to the hospital to stay the entire weekend. After a fourth trip there – the hospital was almost like a temporary “place” I resided that heavily impacted my life last  month. Yes, so much so that during my stay in the hospital I made sure I was armed with my nikon handy every day. I imagine the nurses thought I was crazy to want to take pictures when I really felt so cruddy.

Though I had my camera, and took plenty of photos, I didn’t approach this project until the final day in the hospital. The same day that I got to go home. That morning I was up before sunrise and set up my tripod and took lots of photos using my remote throughout the morning. I was a little annoyed because the light changed so quickly in such a short period of time. It made it tough to control the exposure and it posed problematic a bit when I was montaging. So I just took as many photos as I thought would work for my project and prayed they’d be sufficient, because I had absolutely NO intentions of stepping foot in the hospital again any time soon after that last stay. So here’s the montage of 3 photos that really help give you a glimpse of what it was like in my hospital room…the same “place” that definitely impacted my life.

I was far more excited about the collage portion of the project, because I felt it would allow me to be more creative. I used the outside of the hospital to set the scene. I took the photo the hour before sunset and was disappointed with the sky. I envisioned a darker or more ominous sky. I even went back to reshoot the hospital and a security guard told me I wasn’t allowed to take photos of the hospital. So I had to use what I had already taken. I montaged in the sign on the right, the sky, and then an overlay to create the “rays” and red color. I also used a photo of myself, taken just the day prior to the first surgery. To me it just seems fitting. Seeing it reminds me of why I’m so thankful I am doing the 365 photo project because looking back there’s no way I’d have ever taken that photo (or many others) if it weren’t for my commitment to finish 365.  I did lots of scribbling too – including all the type – it was all scribbled with my wacom tablet. Here’s what I came up with for the collage.

The type on the throughout is ALL rendered by hand using the wacom (except for what is on the signage). Here’s a close up view of the left side in case any of you care to read the words. I have to admit this project was really challenging for me to finish because to be honest, it just brought back so many tough memories.

And one of the finishing touches was to add in this little bit of handwriting that is so important for me not to ever forget.

So that’s it…countless hours later…one more project down…tons more to go. I should have a nice stinky fish photo project to share with you all tomorrow!

Hope you all enjoy a glimpse of my crazy busy work at SCAD!