We have never for a second regretted bringing our son into the world. He has blessed our lives in so many ways. And more importantly he loves life and is happy with who he is. And his siblings love him too. The journey has made our whole family stronger and we appreciate life so much more. I wish you the best and hope you find peace.

You seem to think no matter what choice you make, you will be filled with guilt. I have never known any mother of a child with spina bifida to feel any sort of guilt over giving that child the gift of life, and I have known a lot. I have a son with spina bifida. He is the youngest of five children, and he has brought a new aspect of life and vitality and joy to our lives. He is incredibly happy and does not let his disability stop him from living a full life–the kind of life that inspires others. Please don’t take this opportunity from your child. There is no way we can protect our children, whether they have disabilities or not, from all pain and suffering. And children with spina bifida do have to suffer at times from things that the rest of us do not. However, this is not to say that their suffering is necessarily greater than able-bodied individuals; just different. I have never known a person with spina bifida who felt they had suffered so much they wish they had never been born. I have known able-bodied people who felt that way.

We have a five year daughter named Gillian who has spina bifida (myelomeningocele), hydrocephalus, and the chiari malformation. We created a blog for her right after we were told of her diagnosis at 20 weeks. Please feel free to read it (I listed it in the website section). I feel for you during this time. I was in your shoes 5 and a half years ago. Our daughter has turned out to be an amazing and incredibly talented person. I could not imagine life without her. We also have a son, so I understand your concerns about affecting the other members of the family and the family dynamics. But I have to say that Gillian has brought so much joy and true fullness to our family. We are better people and parents because of her. My son is a better person because of her. Gillian wears braces and walks a little differently, but people are amazed when I tell them her diagnosis. You see, on paper, she sounds so scary. But in person, she is a beautiful, talented, strong willed, outspoken, amazing little girl. She likes to draw, sing, and bug her brother. She was just in a talent show at her school where she sang the whole song “Tomorrow” from Annie! Yes, she does have different challenges from typical kids her age, and yes, I was afraid to include those challenges in our life. But, like I said, I can’t imagine our lives without her!

In my previous comment, I didn’t mention which option I voted for, but given the vocal opinions from different sides, I guess I’d like to weigh in.

I do not have a child w/ spina bifida. I do have a neurological illness, which I developed as an adult. I’ve also have had a termination and seriously considered TFMR.

I voted to keep the child. Personally, I would most likely choose the MOMS study, as I am a research, progressive oriented type person. It is in my nature to do everything I can possibly can in any situation. But that’s just me. My oldest child has/had some mild developmental delays and I have done everything humanly possible since he was born to help him. While it’s been difficult sometimes, I haven’t found the changes in my life to be a burden. I love the way my life, my mind, my perspective has grown. I’m so much more interesting now! So again, it’s just in my nature to strive, try anything, and never give up. But if I didn’t participate in the MOMS study, I’d still CTT.

I’ve had a termination for non-medical reasons as a teenager. I wouldn’t call it a “choice”, as I did it bec. I felt the personal safety and wellbeing of myself and my family was at risk bec. of a volatile social situation. I think I would make the same “choice” if I was in exactly the same situation. But I want you to know that even 25 years later I still grieve over the loss of the child. And I was only 7.5 weeks along. I have been deeply sad about it my entire life. I so wish that wasn’t part of my past.

In my last pregancy, I had elevated risks for DS. While waiting for the amnio results I very seriously considered termination. I even called a clinic and visited the TFMR on bbc. I was that serious about it. I played it out over and over in my mind to prepare. But the idea was driving me to the point of a breakdown. Before I got the amnio results, I began to lean toward adoption if the results came back positive. The idea of ending the pregnancy was too much for me to bear, especially in the 2nd trimester, after seeing and feeling the baby. I’m not a religious person (actually I’m an atheist) so it was simply my own human feelings directing me.

Adoption presented itself as a very good solution, since I didn’t feel able to care for a child w/ special needs, given my own physical limitations.

Many people,good people, will come forward to adopt a child w/ special needs with open arms. This wasn’t an option on the poll. But perhaps this could be one more avenue to consider?

Peace and strength to you–no matter what you decide. I noticed you’ve gotten quite a bit of flack on bbc. If you want to chat or vent, you can email me if you’d like. I’ve given my own opinions, since your poll asked for them. But I wouldn’t presume to judge you or steer you. You have to make the choice for yourself. And if you’d like to chat, feel free to email. best wishes.

Love you…BFF